Refugee children launch crowdfunding campaign to buy Ivanka Trump a Spa Day
Asylum seekers were devastated to learn today in an article in The Independent that Ivanka Trump, daughter of the megalomaniac and golf enthusiast Donald...
Malaysian PM offers Greg Wallace out for a scrap over “crispy” rendang remark
Chef John Torode and "diner" Greg Wallace, presenters of BBC's Masterchef, managed to piss the populations of two countries off this week by criticising...
Donald Trump blames it on the sunshine, the moonlight and the good times
Donald Trump is blaming pretty much everything for his sudden lack of a sex-life, it has emerged.
Sources close to the president have informed the...
Trump demands phone number for Ghostbusters after being visited by three spirits
President of the United States of America, Donald Trump is demanding to know how to get in touch with the Ghostbusters, it has been...
UN convene emergency meeting over Ant and Dec crisis
The UN is to convene an extraordinary meeting in Geneva later today to discuss the situation following events which unfolded in the UK recently.
The...
Daily Mail Editor to pay Melania Trump $150m with no prospect of Happy Ending
The Editor of The Daily Mail was said to be gutted at the prospect of having to pay Melania Trump millions of dollars for...
Trump asking his people to crack the nuclear codes in case he needs to...
‘I hope POTUS has his best people working on cracking the nuclear codes in case we go to war with that crazy man in Canada.’
Germany to face sanctions for failing to help US during D-Day landings
Donald Trump has today announced a huge package of far reaching sanctions against Germany after discovering that Germany failed to help the US during...
Emergency services called after Bob Geldof disappears up his own arse
Two fire engines along with police and ambulance crews were called to the centre of Dublin after reports came in that a man had...
We’re doing just fine says President of country whose hobbies include shooting children at...
The so-called President of a country that lists shooting children at school amongst its most popular hobbies has told the UK Prime Minster to...
Beekeeper stung to death after Danish Police force him to remove veil
Denmark was in shock today after a Danish beekeeper was stung to death in a tragic apiculture accident in Denmark.
The news comes just days...
Self-proclaimed ‘bestest dealmaker’ fails to do deal with Bruce Springsteen cover band
Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn't been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.
Americans forced to drink milkshakes through AR-15 assault rifles after plastic straw ban hits...
The unjust plastic straw ban threatens the American way of life, but citizens are finding an innovative way to beat the ban.
Consuming tens of...
Historic ruling means Saudi men finally allowed to make women driver jokes
Equality campaigners were today celebrating as Saudi Arabia made a long-overdue change to its oppressive rules which prevent men from making jokes about women's...
Spain Says ‘Direct Rule Impossible’ after Entire Catalan Population Hides
Spanish Prime-Minister Marion Rajoy has tonight been unable to suspend the Catalonian Parliament after their leader along with the rest of the population went...
ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts
So called 'Islamic State' have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts.
A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after...
