Snap Poll Identifies Lee Harvey Oswald As Most Missed American

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A poll conducted worldwide today reveals that over 3.9 billion people named Lee Harvey Oswald as the American they most wish was alive today.  He narrowly defeated John Wilkes Booth. John Hinckley Jr. was named...
Harvey Weinstein

Harvey Weinstein apologises for James Corden jokes

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Hollywood millionaire Harvey Weinstein has said he is "truly sorry" for cracking jokes about James Corden at a black tie charity dinner in Los Angeles. Mr Weinstein released a press statement apologising for his quips,...
Bomb Squad

May tells Merkel,”This is just a taste of what I’ve got”.

News reports this morning state that the entire city of Hannover is to be evacuated following the discovery of numerous unexploded WW2 bombs. Apparently, Theresa May ordered the ordinance dropped on the German city to...
Kim Jong-un

Russia and China back UN call for Kim Jong Un to be sent to...

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The UN has finally received the backing of both Mummy and Daddy as Russia and China backed the call for serious punishment to be applied to Kim Jong Un of North Korea. A UN spokesman...
Angry Man

UK to mobilise army of “social media warriors” to protect Gibraltar

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With no aircraft carriers and military resources already overstretched in Afghanistan, the Ministry of Defence has announced that it is calling up the UK's "third force" of semi professional social media trolls to help protect Gibraltar from...

US police to swear allegiance directly to Trump and be called the Orange Shirts

1
In a bold new democracy-busting move, Emperor Trump has decreed the police will now swear an oath of allegiance directly to the person of himself. They will be rebranded "the Orange Shirts", be given...
Sarah Huckabee

Trump to sue publisher of Fire and Fury when Sarah Huckabee finishes reading it...

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Washington DC - Donald Trump has angrily announced that he intends to sue the publisher of The White House tell all book, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House, just as soon Sarah...

Trump orders 700 billion pieces of LEGO

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The President Elect reportedly ordered a vast amount of the interconnecting bricks earlier today. LEGO CEO, Jørgen Vig Knudstorp, said; "Obviously we are thrilled to recieve our biggest ever order of LEGO and this can...

New American National Anthem Unveiled As ‘Donald Donald Uber Alles’

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The United States is getting a new national anthem, it has been announced. An executive order has been signed replacing the old anthem, The Star-Spangled Banner, with a new song, Donald, Donald Uber Alles. When...

Kavanaugh to celebrate Supreme Court confirmation with White House keg party

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Newly-appointed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh will celebrate his confirmation later today by throwing a massive kegger at the White House, sources have confirmed.   Kavanaugh, whose nomination was mired by allegations of drunken impropriety during his college...
Trump voters deface police recruitment poster with Trump Sticker

Trump voters deface Police posters with Trump stickers

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Police Officers in Bumshart Nebrahoma were furious to discover that recruitment posters around the town had been defaced with pictures of Donald Trump. The multi-million pound recruitment drive in the book free town of Bumshart...

US Government admits covering up red alert over imminent asteroid impact

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Scientists and Government sources have confirmed that the giant asteroid, 2016-FI is on course to strike the Northern Hemisphere after initial uncertainty about it's trajectory. The news was first reported by California's Yackler Observatory...
The Mooch

Scaramucci denies snorting cocaine in front of White House press corp

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Anthony Scaramucci, The Mooch, President Trump’s new distraction in chief, has denied snorting cocaine with a rolled up fifty dollar note jammed into his nostril. Mr Scaramucci was addressing the assembled White House press corp...
Scaramucci

Rock Scaramucci crawled out from under refuses to take him back

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Having been unceremoniously sacked as President Trump's director of communications after only ten days and divorced by his wife, Anthony Scaramucci has now suffered the ignominy of being rejected by the rock he crawled...

Macron wants UK to give him head in return for Bayeux tapestry

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Monarchists were today outraged by the suggestion by Emmanuel Macron, President of France, that the severed heads of the British royal family would be an appropriate gift in exchange for the loan of the...
Trump

Man with record of making unproveable and unsubstantiated claims claims something unproveable and unsubstantiated

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Serial unproveable and unsubstantiated claim maker Anthony Gilberthorpe, 54, has come to the defence of serial gropist Donald Trump.

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