Dictionary entry for word "definition"

Trump defuses “alt facts” row by appointing Humpty Dumpty as Secretary of State for...

0
US President Donald Trump today moved to defuse the smouldering row over the 'alternative facts' presented by his media counsellor Kellyanne Conway, by appointing fictional Alice-Through-the-Looking-Glass character Humpty Dumpty to the newly created post of Secretary of...
Mel Brooks

Mel Brooks confirms rework of The Producers starring Donald Trump about to climax

4
Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at a rare public appearance as a guest of Dave Chappelle...

Trump Invades Iraq

President Trump has declared war on Iraq after a five minute conversation with Tony Blair. The former British PM, referred to by White House officials as T-Bone, was invited to the White House on Saturday...
White House

It’s too soon since last mass shooting and not long enough before next to...

0
In the wake of the latest mass shooting in a school in Florida that has claimed the lives of at least 14 people The White House has released a statement saying it's "too soon since the...
Fat Man on Beach

I’m not an immigrant, I’m British says Britain First supporter who lives on the...

44
When asked what he would describe himself as, as an Englishman abroad, he will usually say something like: “Im an export int I”

Donald Trump tests positive for IQ-19

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Despite being the healthiest individual ever elected to the Presidency, reports are emerging that Donald Trump has tested positive for IQ-19. Harold Bornstein, Trump's former personal physician told the Herald. "I can confirm rumors that...

National holiday declared as USA goes 6 days without mass shooting

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This is the closest to a full week that the US has gone without a mass shooting since 'The Great Week of Peace' in 1896. Although there have been 14,678 individual shootings and 32,789 multiple...
face palm

Turkey uses remaining irony reserves after vote to abolish democracy

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The official Turkish news agency (prop. R. T. Erdogan) reports that in a historic vote on Sunday, the people of Turkey voted overwhelmingly in a democratic referendum to abolish democracy. The astonishing result (51%...
Melania Trump

Melania did not have sex with horrible old men for money admits Daily Mail

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The Daily Mail have gone on the record today to say that Melania Trump did not and never has had sex with any horrible old men for money. "Melania has definitely never had sex with...

IKEA founder funeral delayed because man won’t look at instructions

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The funeral of IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad has been delayed by several days as staff at the funeral parlour attempt to assemble his coffin. Raised voices could be heard coming from the parlour where...

May to appeal to Supreme Court ruling at European Court of Justice

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In a move that has thoroughly confused political observers, Theresa May has instructed the Attorney General to appeal today's Supreme Court judgement on Article 50 to the European Court of Justice. "The sovereignty of the...
Trump Supporters

Trump recorded saying “Trump Supporters are fat, racist white trash”

0
‘Rumours that Donald Trump described his legions of supporters as "obese trailer park trash" and "uneducated fucking idiots" are yet to be confirmed.
trump salute

Donald Trump autobiography ‘My Struggle’ set for December release

2
A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for Christmas. The book, titled "My Struggle" will focus largely on his...

Your 60 second news round-up

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Here's The Rochdale Herald's round-up of today's important news headlines: - UKIP leader's girlfriend is a nasty little racist - Nicola Sturgeon backs a second Scottish Independence Referendum - Jeremy Corbyn doesn't back a second Brexit Referendum -...
Trump in a barrel

American lawmakers to submerge Donald Trump in barrel of water to see if he...

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It was announced today via The USA news site that Donald Trump will be immersed in a barrel of water to see if he floats. The operation is part of what are called ‘Presidential Witch...

Mexican earthquake disaster: whose faultline is it anyway?

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At the Herald, we do not make fun of the suffering of innocent disaster victims, but we do point fingers. Less Mock the Weak, more Whose Faultline is it Anyway? In the wake of Donald...

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