Singapore: Crack-pot dictator and wannabe dictator Donald Trump has arrived in Singapore to meet crack-pot dictator Kim Jong Un.

It’s hoped that the pair may bond over their joint hatred of Canadian PM, Justin Trudeau. It’s understood that POTATUS took to Twitter to tell Trudeau that Canada was not even a 3rd world country anymore. He then launched into a rambling 800 word denunciation of Mr Trudeau’s man bag or, Angela, as Trump calls it. Jong Un referred to Trudeau as, “An incompetent vegetable assembly line worker”, whatever that is.

On the eve of the summit both sides have been talking cordially to each other. A North Korean spokesperson said, “On the eve of this important summit with these servile yankee dogs we stand ready to launch our missiles in an unimaginable strike that will leave the world quaking at our military might.”

POTATUS tweeted, “Look it’s been not easy for any of us to get here. The North Korean’s don’t even know I had a deal with NASCAR. It turned out to be right.”

Later in a statement to the press he said, “I just sold a gold toilet seat for $15 million to somebody from North Korea. Am I supposed to dislike them? I love North Korea. The biggest bank in the world is from North Korea. You know where their United States headquarters is located? In this building, in Trump Tower.”

It’s understood that the leaders will spend today faffing on deciding what hair cut to have and what sort of jump suit to wear whilst each shaving a cat that they will take to the conference tomorrow. Many observers are expecting the summit to make Love Island contestants discussing Brexit look like Plato’s Republic.

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.