The White House HR Department has asked their latest recruit Anthony Scaramucci, the new White House Communications Director, to please, please, please stop calling everybody cocks.

“He really likes the word, but he’s going to get us all sued.” A spokesman for the White House HR Department, or the Office of Administration as it is known in the US, told The Rochdale Herald.

“He said Steve Bannon is trying to suck his own cock, live on air. On his first day! What’s he trying to do to me? I spend all my time trying to hide the interns from him, I can’t go through another sexual harassment impeachment deposition again. Bill Clinton’s was just awful.

And it get’s worse. He keeps calling Reince Preibus, Reince Penis. Seriously he’s doing that. He was the White House Chief of Staff and Scaramucci called him ‘Penis’ in front of Angela Merkel.”

The people responsible for dealing with HR complaints at the White House are mostly in hiding in case Steve Bannon decides to lodge a formal complaint.

“Can you imagine having to escalate a sexual harassment complaint to Donald Trump in the Oval Office? I can’t. I looked up sexual harassment in the dictionary and there’s just a photo of Donald where the definition is supposed to be. He’d definitely just fire everybody except Scaramucci.”

The Rochdale Herald have looked it up. If Steve Bannon were to file a lawsuit for sexual harassment he would definitely have a case, Scaramucci is already on thin ice.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.