In a surprise – but perhaps not that surprising – move, President Donald Trump has signalled the end of democracy in America.
He has announced that his daughter Ivanka will succeed him as president of the USA after his death.
At a press conference, he said, “Look, America has had some really great election results over the years. Especially in 2000, when we got George W. Bush in so he could go and blast the hell out of the Iroquois.
“Then, of course there was 1972, when Richard Nixon got in, such a shame about the Welterweight thing. But you know, the election result we had last year, that was so great, we’re never gonna top it. So I say let’s go out on a high and say that’s the last election we will ever have.”
When asked how this would work, he was quick to respond. “It’s simple,” he said. “I’ll stay in office until I die, and then I’ve decided Ivanka will come after me. I mean, she’s hot, and she has my gift with politics, so she’s the perfect choice. So she’ll be the next president.
“Well, vice president. I’d better still be president even when I’m dead, she can be vice president and rule in my name. I’ll come back as a ghost and tell her what to do of course.”
Of course. This begged the question of whether he actually believes in ghosts, to which he scoffed.
“Hey, of course there’s ghosts,” he replied. “haven’t you ever heard of Ghostbusters? What do you think they’re there for? We wouldn’t have them if ghosts weren’t real now, would we?”
Well, I know who I’m gonna call.