The UN is to convene an extraordinary meeting in Geneva later today to discuss the situation following events which unfolded in the UK recently.

The main vote will determine on which side Declan Donnelly should stand were a guest presenter to replace his twin brother Ant, who is currently serving a life sentence in Broadmoor, on ITV’s ‘Saturday Night Takeaway’.

The Rochdale Herald has discovered that Russia and The United States are united in their view that Dec should stand on the left of any guest unless the guest is shorter than the diminutive star of Byker Grove.

Many other countries are insisting that it depends on alphabetical order and if any guest has a first name subsequent to D in the alphabet they should stand to Donnelly’s left. Many countries are concerned about what will happen if a guest has a first name beginning with D and/or is the same height as Dec.

UN peace keeping forces are on stand-by should ITV cancel ‘Saturday Night Takeaway’ all together.

The consensus seems to be that, as a compromise in that event, Donnelly will have to give that person a piggy back.

More news as it breaks.