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Big penis denies any link to Romelu Lukaku

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A big penis has spoken out today to deny any attachment to Manchester United striker Romelu Lukaku. Speaking to reporters outside his home address, the...
Christiano Ronaldo

Ronaldo vows to work the full six weeks to pay £13 million tax bill

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Many of us were shocked when top footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo was embroiled in tax evasion, especially to such a degree. The highly-regarded player, often hailed...

Football players saving us all by not taking a pay cut

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The Professional Footballers Association have warned that a 30% cut in their members' wages would damage the NHS as it would reduce the amount...
Referee

‘So what?’ ask arseholes in response to significant event

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Football fans across the UK went out of their way this week to prove that their point-missing dim-wittedness was ‘by far the greatest stupidity...

Wales Seeks Independence as Gareth Bale Doubles Welsh GDP

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Carwyn Jones has changed his mind on Welsh Independence after Gareth Bale’s new contract doubled the GDP of Wales.

Costa kicks Conte into touch

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Former Chelsea Striker Diego Costa says he did not want to leave the club on bad terms, after being dragged kicking and screaming from...

Euro 2020 tournament to be played on XBox, UEFA confirms

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The European Football Championship 2020 is to be played on XBox, UEFA has told The Rochdale Herald. In the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic, European...
Neymar

‘I moved for new challenges’ says footballer now on three quarters of a million...

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Brazilian bladder-hoofer Naymar Davis Junior today explained his reasons for his £200 million move from Europe's most technically skilled, most competitive national football league...

Vatican declares official miracle after England win on penalties

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The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first...
Goalkeeper

Urinating Salford goalie earns whole side a place in England’s World Cup squad

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Almost the entire Salford lineup have been selected as part of England’s squad for next year’s World Cup, it has emerged. All the English...

Stormzy shuts up agent after transfer confusion

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Following the glaring error made by Irish newspaper, The Herald (no relation) where a picture of the grime MC was used instead of Romelu...

The Rochdale Herald’s Top Ten Tips for Real Supporters and True Football Fans

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In honour of signing world famous football man Neville Southall to the Rochdale Herald, here are our top ten tips for real supporters and...

East London Charity Shops on standby to get loads of West Ham training kit...

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East London charity shops are preparing for a bumper delivery of training kit and promotional items after West Ham appointed David Moyes to their...
Football

Donald Trump congratulates Rochdale AFC on winning Superbowl

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POTATUS, Donald Trump telephoned and congratulated Rochdale AFC on winning the Superbowl on Sunday night. Much to the surprise of club officials. A club spokesman...
Millwall Fans

Millwall football fans hail Supreme Court with bricks and bottles after Blair no criminal...

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Buoyed by the Supreme Court's ruling that there was no law of criminal aggression with which to prosecute Tony Blair, Millwall Football Club supporters...

Norway’s female football team found in cocaine-fuelled strip club romp

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Just hours after the Norwegian football association ruled that female footballer's pay must be brought in line with that of the men's, the entire...

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