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Scientist

Study finds Manchester United fans have smallest penises

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A new survey of football fans has discovered that Manchester United fans have significantly smaller penises than men who follow other teams. "It's not just...

Vatican declares official miracle after England win on penalties

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The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first...

Football players saving us all by not taking a pay cut

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The Professional Footballers Association have warned that a 30% cut in their members' wages would damage the NHS as it would reduce the amount...

East London Charity Shops on standby to get loads of West Ham training kit...

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East London charity shops are preparing for a bumper delivery of training kit and promotional items after West Ham appointed David Moyes to their...
Christiano Ronaldo

Ronaldo vows to work the full six weeks to pay £13 million tax bill

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Many of us were shocked when top footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo was embroiled in tax evasion, especially to such a degree. The highly-regarded player, often hailed...

Mighty England’s thrilling World Cup opener – Yeah right!

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England's opening match of the World Cup campaign was as dull as ditchwater proving that the news of Joe Hart's transfer from Man City...
Donald Trump

Moron says something moronic

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A moron has uttered a statement that is totally devoid of intelligence, it has emerged. The exact words used in this situation concerned a...

John Terry leaves Villa to spend more time with Wayne Bridge’s family

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John Terry has announced he's leaving Aston Villa today. Terry said he was leaving so that he could spend more time with Wayne Bridge's...
Arsene Wenger

Wenger at wits end as he cannot figure out how to get sack from...

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Arsene Wenger was left frustrated after the end of a tumultuous week which saw Arsenal lose twice against Manchester city and rounded off by...

Love Island Special – John Terry sacks Agent after he asked to join “that...

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John Terry, the legendary back door man and occasional footballer, has sacked his Agent after finding himself trapped in a 1 year contract at...

Rochdale AFC Announce Stadium Expansion

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Rochdale's Spotland stadium is set to unveil a new corporate section "with a difference" above the Willbutts Lane stand, in honour of world famous...

ISIS applies for FIFA membership

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The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA.  In a surprise move, they hope to be...
Wayne Rooney

Rooney arrested crying into bottle of 20/20 wearing Man Utd pyjamas

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My night of 20/20, Man Utd pyjamas and Steradent with mysterious brunette. Everton striker Wayne Rooney has been charged with drink-driving offences in the...

Rooney: taking are cuntry bak

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As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First. During the halftime team...

FA enquiries into unusual betting

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The Football Association today launched an inquiry into what it described as 'very bizarre' wagers placed with bookies regarding recent matches. The FA spokesman, Brian...

Foreigners with British citizenship MUST support England in the football, IT’S THE LAW

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A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that...

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