Sport

Sneaky German and part-time Finn Nico Rosberg has pulled off the all-time-shittiest Schoolboy trick by declaring the last goal the winner as the ball was already in the net!

British football fans have been advised that if they object to FIFA's stance on its national teams wearing poppies on armistice day, then they could stop watching football in protest.  A spokesman for the National...

The murderous psychopathic caliphate known as ISIS has applied to join the world football governing body, FIFA.  In a surprise move, they hope to be able to be accepted in time for the next World...

Jose Mourinho has sought to reassure the Spanish tax office that the £3m he is alleged to owe them in unpaid taxes has in fact been resting in his account all the time. Mourinho has...

Man's best friend can now get even closer to the World Cup action. As Dogs will be allowed on the field during World Cup games.  Fifa announced today that during the World Cup, hosted by Russia, stray...

British boxing fans spent much of the night anticipating and then watching a bout between black fighter Deontay Wilder and half-Irish gypsy Tyson Fury. Fight fan Dave Cooper, from Romford, said "I'm a bit confused...

Ahead of the second Ashes Test which has just started in Adelaide, England captain Joe Root sought to defuse the simmering tension between the two sides by holding a joint press conference with his...

Caught between "Moeen Ali spins England to victory!" and "Fury as Muslim immigrant takes YOUR place in the ENGLAND cricket team", the Daily Mail's editor was admitted to hospital suffering from advanced Editorial Conflictitis. The...

An actual grown up man has won a really long race around France on a children's toy.  The Team Sky rider from Cardiff, Geraint Thomas, became the first Welshman to win something after crossing the...

The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first since Harry "18 bites" Short scored the winning penalty against...

The Toon Army are rejoicing following the news that Sports Direct Entrepreneur Sweat Shop owner, Mike Ashley, is to sell the Magpies. Realising that he is losing money hand-over-fist due to being unable get any...

Buoyed by the Supreme Court's ruling that there was no law of criminal aggression with which to prosecute Tony Blair, Millwall Football Club supporters and thugs rampaged near the high court in London today. "Bliar,...

There has been a furious reaction today at the exclusion of the ancient sport of "arrows" in the Rio Olympics today. The worshipful brethren of Morris dancers and arrow throwers today issued a statement...

After a 112 year wait to prove how good we are at walking slowly around a park Britain's Justin Rose yesterday casually sealed gold for team GB. Normally only Britain only excels at events that...

Daily Mail readers have insisted that Dressage individual gold medalist Charlotte Dujardin is renamed Charlie Gardner as her name has been deemed "too French" for a post Brexit team GB. Echoing the move which has...

A man from Newquay in Cornwall has revealed that he actually understands American football. With the BBC proclaiming that the Monday after the Hyperbole, or whatever it's called, is "national sickie day", The Rochdale Herald...