Sport

The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn't had a go at boxing before. "I'm pretty shocked actually." Some bloke who...

A Burnley fan who threw a pound coin at Joe Hart is on the run from Police today after authorities claim he is now the new legal owner of Burnley Football Club. The coin missed...

The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal Tyson Fury was declared medically unfit to fight because he tested positive for Horlicks. The IBF have banned Horlicks, a known performance reducing beverage for a number of years now. It is...

Top cycling teams have been paying tribute to the man who provides fresh urine to high profile Tour de France riders for drugs tests. Chopper Raleigh said, "It's always nice to be recognised. Not everyone...

Several women have taken to the top of ambulances in their latest quest for reassurance about their weight Becky Donaldson, 23, is fairly confident she isn't fat.  But occasionally, she likes reassurance.  Normally she gets...

In a bizarre twist that no one seems to understand, two unknown divers who were neither Tom Daley nor his synchronised diving partner have won gold for GB in the 3m spring board event...

Britain's next Prime Minister is guaranteed to be female but what most people don't know yet is that only one of the contenders will come out of the leadership battle alive. Sources claim that the...

Buoyed by the Supreme Court's ruling that there was no law of criminal aggression with which to prosecute Tony Blair, Millwall Football Club supporters and thugs rampaged near the high court in London today. "Bliar,...

John Terry has announced he's leaving Aston Villa today. Terry said he was leaving so that he could spend more time with Wayne Bridge's wife and kids. Terry told the assembled press, "It's been rough...

Spain’s bullfighters have won the inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup in Brazil, narrowly beating the foxhunters of England in the final. The competition, in which teams from different countries competed to inflict the maximum...

Team GB have seen a few medal opportunities slip through their fingers in the first few days of the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics but have no fear, we're still in with a chance. As training facilities...

Caught between "Moeen Ali spins England to victory!" and "Fury as Muslim immigrant takes YOUR place in the ENGLAND cricket team", the Daily Mail's editor was admitted to hospital suffering from advanced Editorial Conflictitis. The...

VAR is now the favourite to win BBC Sports Personality of the Year. It marks a remarkable turnaround in VAR's fortunes after spending the whole of the World Cup being derided by everyone, even...

Supermarkets across the country are reportedly completely dickhead free for the first time since 1990 according to sources. The complete absence of knuckle dragging fuckwits in supermarkets is an almost unheard of phenomenon. "It's really weird....

Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool. He moves from Manchester United, a once formidable team, who managed to...