Long standing dominance of sport by Australia and New Zealand ended by incredible English performance

Some say Australian carpentry skill brings them closer to Christ. Handy little blighters, their ability to handle a piece of sandpaper in a discreet manner has really helped them achieve some remarkable things over the years.

Playing a hand of pocket billiards whilst calling for Stuart Broad to be sledged, well, what can we say? You cheeky little ferals, I despair of you. But a netball doesn’t fit in the pocket in quite the same way, even if your pocket is made from the baggiest green.

So, Australian dominance of the sport of netball appears to be on the wane. The little rippers that play it are certainly a hell of a lot more talented than many men. But, being Sheilas, they play the sport properly. No cheating. And may the best team win.

And boy, didn’t they just. England’s netballers saw what they wanted, and they took it. Never mind the long standing ineptitude of England’s male footballers, the drubbing of its male cricketers. Lacklustre performances in everything Piers Morgan cares about, are par for the bloody course in the UK. The fact it upsets Piers is a minor consolation I suppose.

But, our women. Well, England’s women are of course the current Cricket World Cup champions, winning at Lords. GB’s hockey women are the current Olympic Gold Champions and host a home World Cup this summer in London. And now, the netball.

Commitment. Drive. They decided what they wanted and didn’t they just bloody go and take it. Commonwealth Gold. I am in absolute awe. What a final. And I don’t even know the rules. I don’t even know why I was awake at that time of day. But I do know when I see athletes absolutely ascendant in their desire to win. Good on you ladies.

Australian hopes now hang on minority sports. It is hoped sandpapering skills will readily translate into brushing, giving them an outside chance in the curling.