The Annual General Meeting of the Bamford Bowls Club was rocked by a scandal when multiple mens champion David Thrimbleton was accused of cheating by a rival.
Thrimbleton, 77, has won the club’s top award for 17 of the last 18 years after missing on the 2007 title after – as we are sure you will remember – a shock result that scarcely needs detailing again, such is its renown.
However, his near perfect record was called in doubt by Peter Davies, whose wife Dorothy serves as club secretary.
Davies, 68, who has finished as runner-up for the last five years revealed in front of a packed clubhouse that documents reveal Thrimbleton has been taking Cod Liver Oil to combat knee-joint pain for most the last decade.
“He’s been juiced since he lost the title,” Davies announced, according to a witness at the meeting who asked not be named.
“The Club President has known all along and he’s allowed it!”
The Club President, only at that point looking up from his Prawn Cocktail starter, denied the accusation, even in the face of his signature on a note from Thrimbleton that declared the use of the fish oils.
Davies is then said to have continued:
“He claims it doesn’t affect his game, but how can it not? Without the doping he’d never be able to get down to bowl. It’s ridiculous that something like this is allowed to go on unchecked.”
Thrimbleton, sitting to the left of the Club President as is his honour as reigning champion, then stood up with the speed of a man half his age, surprising the president’s wife to the extent that she spat a shrimp across the table.
“This is nonsense,” the witness claims he said. “We all know that this goes on. Alan’s had LASIK to help his accuracy and we all know Dorothy has been on Hormone Replacement since the 1990s!”
The meeting was adjourned before the main course (Beef Wellington) was served. *