Call Centre

Catholic Church installs automated ‘Buggery Forgiveness Hotline’ to ease waiting times

The hard-pushed Catholic Church has created call-centre style automated phone lines to reduce congestion caused by confessing their most popular sin. "Local priests across the region were telling us that Sundays were becoming a nightmare,"...
Amazon Tribe

Jeremy Hunt worshipped as God of pestilence and disease by Amazonian Tribe

An offshoot of the Kawahiva people of the Amazon, only recently discovered, are revealed to be remarkably aware of Jeremy Hunt, the health secretary. "Our culture reveres the position of shaman - a wise man...
The Pope

Pope declares all good atheists can go to heaven

In a surprise ecumenical encyclical from the Vatican, Pope Francis has indicated that atheists could be allowed to pass through the Pearly Gates and enjoy a celestial paradise until the end of time. Until now,...

Christmas ad not Christian enough say non church going Christians

The new Christmas advert from Tesco has caused outrage for its lack of overt Christianity, mainly from people who will go nowhere near a church at Christmas. The advert encouraging people to consume mindlessly,...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Pope to beatify Katie Hopkins after death of her reputation…

The Pope has announced that Katie Hopkins will be made a saint shortly, after her reputation sadly died last week. Hopkins's reputation went into an irreversible decline following her defeat in a libel action bought...
People on bus laughing

Religious fervour hits Rochdale bus passengers

A local member of one of the world's 4200 religions is utterly convinced that his is the correct one.   Stating confidently that “It is, innit?”, a Rochdale resident proceeded to explain to exasperated passengers...

God brings Christopher Hitchens back from the dead for ‘shits and giggles’

Deceased intellectual and prominent atheist resurrected by The Almighty 'for a bit of a laugh' following hiatus. Following what close acquaintances have described as 'a bit of a career lull', God, creator of the Earth,...

Bishop of Coventry confused over sexuality

The Right Reverend Christopher Cocksworth has admitted to sexual confusion, after screwing up a General Synod vote on gay marriage. "I didn't know which way to turn," squealed his High Vicarage. "Peter made his comment...
Westboro Baptist Church

Westboro Baptist Churchgoers saddened by news that God actually hates FAQ’s

Congregation of famously homophobic church disheartened to learn that The Almighty is 'proper hacked off with being asked the same dumb shit over and over again'. Topeka, Kansas, and following God's stunning comeback on Sunday,...

Vicar attacked for dropping Easter from Easter Sunday

A 45 year-old Rochdale man is recovering in hospital today after being attacked for not referring to this coming Sunday as ‘Easter Sunday’. The victim, Rev. Roger Simpkins, was greeting a member of his congregation...

Church of England still utterly irrelevant clergy decide

After a long and protracted three year conversation with one another, Anglican clerics in silly fancy dress have said marriage should only be between a man and a woman.  This groundbreaking decision means they are...

Terrorists rejoice at lower energy bills as Jihadis unplug TVs

Terrorists worldwide are saving money on their energy bills as millions of Jihadis unplug their Samsung smart TVs from mains sockets. The move comes after revelations that the CIA and GCHQ have hacked into the...

Miraculous Jesus face found on Twinkie atop words “sort your fucking gun laws out”

A Mr Billy-Bob Jnr III of Kentucky has made the US news with his Jackpot discovery in an all American snack pack. After a trip to McDonalds left him unsated, he opted for a...

Experts agree that Josh Widdicombe is not bigger than Jesus

Theologists now agree that diminutive Josh Widdicombe is not the Second Coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Speculation had run rife that, having been born of a well-known virgin, pint-sized Josh was almost certainly the...

Belinda Carlisle vindicated as Heaven proved to be a place on Earth.

The scientific and religious worlds were in shock yesterday after a newly discovered island in a remote part of the Indian Ocean was found to be inhabited exclusively by the souls of the virtuous....

Outrage in Rochdale over proposed Santa suit ban

Rochdale religious groups are screaming red white and blue murder over a proposed ban on the traditional Santa suit. This follows the New Year outrage in Turkey when in the early hours of New Year's...

Follow us

56,830FansLike
18,423FollowersFollow
23,132FollowersFollow

Popular Posts