Wetherspoons

Brexiteers to die of cirrhosis 20% sooner thanks to Wetherspoons

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Price cuts on just before date-expired cask ale and fizzy lager mean that Wetherspoons customers will be able to drink themselves to death more...

London prime ministerial fatberg is too strong and stable to shift

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Following the news that a massive lump of fat, plastic and waste material is blocking London's sewer works, the Rochdale Herald spoke to an...

Theresa May Fumbles For Pin For Grenade She Shoved Up Her Ass

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Theresa May is reported to be surrounded by a Bomb Disposal Unit this evening after the discovery of an unexploded grenade inside her ass. The...

CABINET RESHUFFLE – Boris Johnson becomes Health Secretary

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Theresa May's eagerly anticipated cabinet reshuffle has begun. In what some would describe as "a bit of a surprise", the former Mayor of London and...

Remoaners trounce nimbys in self-interest cock off

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Earlier this year the Gazillionaire Tory, Zac Goldsmith, resigned from his post as MP for Richmond Park in order to cost taxpayers a shitload...
Big Ben EU UK

Theresa May says Britain and Europe should come together as if in some sort...

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Theresa May has been further outlining her vision for Brexit. The Prime Minister was speaking to journalists on her way home from Florence. She told...

“Are we living in Nazi Germany?” Tweets man backed by Neo-Nazis.

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Without any inkling of irony at all, a man who has the support of the USA's best and brightest Neo-Nazi....sorry, Alt-Right groups, and who...

Government vow to provide every child with prayer mat by 2020 to promote multi-culturalism.

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The thorny issue of the integration into society of immigrants, particularly Muslims, has been strained of late. Now the UK government has come up...
Businessman

Brexit means Brexit means Brexit means Brexit confirms EU Brexit negotiator

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"It's taken us a week to work out just how clever you Brits are," said negotiator Hans Upp. "We thought it was just a...
Mark Garnier

What’s wrong with asking your secretary to buy you a dildo, asks complete dildo

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The king of Dildos and soon to be former International Trade Minister Mark Garnier is to investigated over a potential breach of the ministerial code after he admitted to asking a former parliamentary aide to buy him a dildo
Inflation

Diversify portfolio to survive inflation Tories tell poor

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As news of inflation fears hits the headlines this week with pundits telling us that inflation will hit food prices the hardest the government has issued advice for the poor on how to survive inflation.

Putin, Trump, British American Tobacco & Belgium New 4 Horsemen as Pope reboots Apocalypse

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Trump, Putin, British American Tabaco and Belgium appointed new 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

UK wakes up in shower and realises it was all a dream

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Season 6 of the failing blockbuster drama Brexiting Bad has plumbed new depths of plotting. Following episodes where lead character Boris Johnson got angry and...
Dentist

Tooth Fairy tax fully costs Tory manifesto

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Humbled by her failed election gambit Theresa May today announced a new policy to resolve the social care funding crisis which torpedoed her election...
Hippies Hippy

Cornwall in Crisis as more middle class hippies leaving than arriving since Brexit

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Cornwall is in crisis as studies show, for the first time in a generation, more middle-class old hippies are leaving than arriving. One local, Anni...
Christmas Morning

Only two prime ministers till Christmas

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Children around the UK were feeling giddy this morning after learning that it's now officially on two prime ministers until Christmas morning. "I can almost...

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