Boris Upsets Sturgeon Over Calls for New Indyref
Boris Johnson today ran into further hot water, or perhaps hot oil, over comments responding to Nicola Sturgeon's view that only an Independent Scotland...
Poppy Squad to begin patrolling UK streets from next week
Poppy Enforcement Directive Officers (PEDO's) are to begin patrolling the UK's streets from next week, the Government has announced.
The officers, obese men dressed in...
Grenfell Tower survivors offer Michael Gove their last five pounds to bugger off
Survivors of the Grenfell Tower disaster suffered a further shock last night when esteemed Tory minister Michael Gove was spotted in the vicinity.
It's believed...
Substitute teacher to stand in for Theresa May in hope of improving cabinet discipline
Wilma Beard, a graduate teacher on the books of an education supply agency, has been contracted to fill in for Theresa May in the...
Blair and Farage to launch new political party together
The two political heavyweights have decided to 'put aside their differences for the future of the UK' they said in a press release.
The party,...
Brexit means famine, disease and war confirms Theresa May
A rowdy press conference found our embattled Prime Monster under pressure once again. Finally revealing the true meaning of Brexit as famine, disease and war,...
Companies forced to list massively racist employees
British companies are to be made to publish lists of how many employees are nasty and racist, under new plans announced by home secretary...
Trump publishes ‘first 100 days’ Manifesto
President Trump is set to to release a Manifesto on his first 100 in days in office on the eve of his inauguration, a...
DUP refuse deal with Theresa May saying we don’t negotiate with terrorists
Arlene Foster has returned to Belfast after failing to agree a power sharing deal with Theresa May saying she won't negotiate with terrorists.
The key...
Party Leader Debate format Paul Nuttal noisily arguing with himself for an hour
News broke earlier today that Labour leader and bewildered Billy goat, Jeremy Corbyn, would not be participating in the upcoming televised debates ahead of the General...
Anna Soubry appointed official Tory Deflector
After Miss Soubry's stellar and wholly forgettable performance for the remain campaign, she was deemed perfect for the role.
A tory deflector will typically take...
Trump thrilled crowds at his German rallies bigger than Obama’s
President Donald Trump has spoken of his delight at how many people have come onto the streets of Hamburg to welcome him to Germany.
The...
Future election results to be based on pandemic exam model
Following the overwhelming success of the Department of Education's strategy of grading academic exam results based on teachers' predicted grades and previous attainment levels,...
May May trigger Brexit in May? Maybe
Theresa May today revealed her plans and a slogan for Brexit; a bitter, lonely and incontinent future with seventeen cats and no continent.
The slogan...
Famous Welshman will undergo treatment for addiction to public humiliation
Owen Smith is not a man who flinches from an unnecessary challenge out of a risk of public humiliation.
In fact, so ready is he...
Liberal Democrats secure vital Rastafarian vote
The Liberal Democrats' General Election campaign took a huge step forward this morning after they secured the vital UK Rastafarian vote.
