Boris Johnson

‘Shit dont stick to this, fam’ says Boris Johnson

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Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson. The company is believed to have lined up an...

U.S transgender community ‘relieved’ they will not die fighting for Trump

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As President Trump, leader of the free world, announced that transgender citizens would no longer be allowed to serve the U.S. Armed forces in...

‘GO HARD OR GO HOME’ Corbyn screams at Shadow Cabinet

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Three Labour frontbenchers have been sacked and a fourth has resigned after voting for a Queen's speech amendment calling for Britain to remain within...
Corbyn

Corbyn defection massive blow to crybaby lefties

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Shock news reaching us today of defection of the Labour leader and terrorist sympathiser Jeremy Corbyn has left the party in favour of Britain First. The shock...
Houses of Parliament

Sovereignty of Parliament is a bit over-rated, say Brexiters

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Pro-Brexit MP's have been rushing to congratulate Parliament on it's demonstration of democracy and parliamentary sovereignty today. A Government bill for Brexit was narrowly defeated...

Mike Hookem’s Dad officially bigger than Steven Woolfe’s Dad

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Following an altercation in Strasbourg yesterday between two fully grown adult men, Mike Hookem and Steven Wolfe, UKIP released a statement saying;

Simon Danczuk expected to volunteer as UKIP teenage pussy inspector

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"Although I'm a Labour candidate, I'll throw my support behind UKIP and volunteer to inspect teenage girls vaginas." Said local full time pornography enthusiast...

Future election results to be based on pandemic exam model

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Following the overwhelming success of the Department of Education's strategy of grading academic exam results based on teachers' predicted grades and previous attainment levels,...

Substitute teacher to stand in for Theresa May in hope of improving cabinet discipline

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Wilma Beard, a graduate teacher on the books of an education supply agency, has been contracted to fill in for Theresa May in the...

Mark Francois – Gammon Messiah: A Parliamentary Sketch

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An hour of hilarity last night made the last three years of purgatory almost worth it. The efforts by the hardest, crustiest elements of the...
Iceberg

Massive Iceberg applies for EU membership

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In a shock development following its breakaway from Antarctica, the giant iceberg has applied for membership of the EU. A hastily formed government led by...

Downing Street denies allegations of incontinence

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In an unprecedented announcement, Downing Street issued a denial of any suggestions that the Prime Minister is incontinent. "During a period of initial uncertainty, many...
Donald Trump

Trump enlists Gary Glitter to play inauguration

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There are reports that Donald Trump is struggling to find top acts to perform or present at his inaugural event. The demagogue was able to...
Paramedics transporting Nigel Farage to the ambulance

Farage in critical condition after fall at a supporters meeting

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Nigel Farage is in hospital today after coming to the defence of ludicrously abhorrent comments made about women by Donald Trump.

To be fair I was pissed, says Nigel 2.0 candidate

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Steven Woolfe, the chief xenophobe-in-waiting of totally unracist UKIP party has been caught out forgetting things. Again. After forgetting to apply for the candidacy he's standing...

Grenfell Tower survivors offer Michael Gove their last five pounds to bugger off

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Survivors of the Grenfell Tower disaster suffered a further shock last night when esteemed Tory minister Michael Gove was spotted in the vicinity. It's believed...

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