Theresa May

Parliament email hack reveals 75% of May’s emails contain phrase “cocking fuck, what fresh...

11
Penetration of the heart of government by dodgy Russian hacker types has allowed innovative research. Statistical analysis of the government's emails has been published today...
Rees Mogg

Argument for abortion makes argument against abortion

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Underchinned Tory leadership hopeful Jacob Rees-Mogg has upset both women and homosexuals today by saying he is opposed to same-sex marriage and abortion under...
Mark Garnier

What’s wrong with asking your secretary to buy you a dildo, asks complete dildo

0
The king of Dildos and soon to be former International Trade Minister Mark Garnier is to investigated over a potential breach of the ministerial code after he admitted to asking a former parliamentary aide to buy him a dildo
Lego logo

Lego let go of Trump

5
It has been revealed this week that toy manufacturing giants Lego will not produce a figure of president elect Donald Trump. Many have regarded this...

Trump insists the audience for his resignation speech will be bigger than Sean Spicers

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Donald Trump has insisted that the audience for Sean Spicers resignation speech will be miniscule compared to his own. Trump tweeted that, "Spicer was a...

Theresa May to win Brexit by sitting on her chair at low tide at...

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Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Jacob Rees-mogg and Owen Patterson have volunteered to carry May’s throne to the shoreline for her, before setting it in the sands and retreating so May can take her seat. She will then start screaming at the sea.

50 Shades of Grey author denies responsibility for Tory surge

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The author of the '50 Shades' series of erotic novels, E.L. James, has dismissed allegations that she is responsible for the public's increasing desire...

May rains on International Happiness Day with Brexit announcement

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March 20th has long been designated International Happiness Day, a day to celebrate all that is good about life in the 21st century. However there...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson Sits In With Infant School Maths Class, Answers 350 Million To Every...

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Boris Johnson seems to have a one-track mind when it comes to numbers. While visiting an infants' school in Rochdale, he sat in on...

Patriotic Brexiteer spends £60M on Singapore homes after saving £60M in UK Corporation Tax

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Patriotic billionaire Brexiteer, Singapore resident and tax exile James Dyson has just bought a £26M bungalow in Singapore weeks after buying a Penthouse in...

KKK David Duke polling better with black voters than Donald Trump

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In news that feels like it should be satire but is in fact oddly true, Dr David Duke, the Grand Wizard of The Ku...

New Tony Blair character in Cluedo, cannot be accused

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Exciting news for fans of the classic board game Cluedo as a new character is to be introduced! That character is no other than former...
Corbyn Wagon Wheels

Corbyn pledges to end Syrian War with tea and a Wagon Wheel

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Jeremy Corbyn has today promised to end the bloody civil war that has plagued Syria for the last 4 years with nothing but good...

Trump marks Martin Luther King weekend with burning cross on White House Lawn

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US President elect, Donald Trump, will be hosting a tribute event for Martin Luther Day
Michael Gove

Man who treated voters as morons during Brexit confirms voters are still morons after...

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Potato face Michael Gove has claimed that voters could have some impact on the Brexit deal if they so wished. Gove, who famously involved himself...
Theresa May

May To Wheel Out Trebuchet

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Theresa May will relaunch her election campaign today with a classic bit of fighting kit. A trebuchet nicknamed 'Warwolf". The trebuchet, effectively a giant catapult,...

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