Theresa May breaks fingernail as her grip on power weakens
Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely "chipped varnish".
As finger after taloned finger...
Britons happy counting down the days till they lose freedom of movement
Everyone in Britain awoke this morning overjoyed to know they are one more day closer to losing their freedom of movement across Europe and...
Surprise! I was born in Kenya says Barack Obama
Barack Obama surprised the world today after announcing that he wasn't actually born in America after all but was actually born in Kenya, and to top it off is a Muslim.
Herald Guide to Parties Brexit Position
As the General Distraction looms ever closer, more and more people are wondering where the various parties stand on the issue of Brexit.
So we...
Jeremy Corbyn insists he’ll remain Labour leader even after death
Serial metaphorical and actual seat avoider, and leader of a thousand students ineligible to vote, Jeremy Corbyn, has announced that nothing will stop him ruining the...
EU to offer May reproduction of Munch’s The Scream to hang in 10 Downing...
The woman who believes she is British Prime Minister is to travel to Florence tomorrow to give a one date stand up performance in...
Being interviewed about your job is a bit like being raped, says chinless toad
The United Kingdom has apologised "unreservedly" for making Michael Gove a Cabinet Minister after he compared being raped to being a bit like being...
We’re all going to die after Brexit, confirms Philip Hammond
Remain voters around the country are said to be absolutely furious to learn that every single person who voted to remain in the European...
Brexiteers to die of cirrhosis 20% sooner thanks to Wetherspoons
Price cuts on just before date-expired cask ale and fizzy lager mean that Wetherspoons customers will be able to drink themselves to death more...
Conservative MP apologises for tweet alleging Corbyn was a politician in the 1980’s
The Conservative MP Ben Bradley has conceded that Jeremy Corbyn did no work as a Politician in the 1980’s and has agreed not to make the allegations again.
Donald Trump Jr upset by chants of ‘lock him up’ from Donald Trump Snr
Donald Trump Jr has allegedly complained that President Trump keeps chanting 'lock him up' at him.
Trump Junior made a complaint to a White House...
Jeremy Corbyn counterfeit poppy scandal
There is outrage in many political and charitable quarters today after rumours emerged that senior members of the Labour Party have been selling Remembrance Day poppies and memorabilia to supplement their parliamentary incomes.
Diversify portfolio to survive inflation Tories tell poor
As news of inflation fears hits the headlines this week with pundits telling us that inflation will hit food prices the hardest the government has issued advice for the poor on how to survive inflation.
It’s not my fault there aren’t enough Marxists to win a by election insists...
Following Labour's disastrous defeat in The Copeland by-election Jeremy Corbyn has responded to criticisms of his leadership of The Labour Party by assuring everybody it has nothing to do with his politics or his leadership.
Rochdale DFS Sale has finally ended
Rochdale DFS announced the first end of a sale for a decade after running out of sofas yesterday.
DFS customers in Rochdale are expected to...
Trump in Mexican standoff
Donald Trump today paid a flying visit to Mexico for talks with President Pena Nieto.
Amongst his entourage was his new Foreign Policy adviser Jeremy...


















































