Steven Woolfe, the UKIP MEP, is being hailed as a “Medical Miracle” after becoming the 1st person in history to have had sense knocked into him.
“Sense Knocking” has long been the Holy Grail for angry grandmothers, catholic priests & primary school teachers who qualified before 1976. However, like the legendary “beating until you’re black & blue” & “banging your heads together” it was thought to be the stuff of legends. However, all that has changed with the remarkable events of last week.
What experts are now calling “The Mike Hookem Procedure” seems to have been a complete success. Mr Woolfe now says he is quitting the party, claiming there was “something rotten” in UKIP. Despite being blindingly obvious to anyone whose moral compass isn’t set fixed to the gutter, he was previously completely unaware that his membership of UKIP was in any way incompatible with being a decent human being.
Experts agree that this is a remarkable turnaround for someone previously considered to be an irredeemable arsehole. Mike Slemon, Emeritus Professor of Theoretical Spanking at Rochdale Community University said;
“This is truly remarkable. Up until now attempts at Sense Knocking – for example head-butting people who disagree with me in pubs – have only ever lead to minor criminal convictions. This seems to have achieved an actual change in convictions” he said clearly thinking he is clever.
Mike Hookem was unavailable for comment but a spokesman said that he was very likely to repeat the procedure for anyone wanting to hang around his house.
