Only 17 more sleeps until numpties stop saying how many sleeps until Christmas
The London Sleep Clinic has today confirmed that it should only be necessary to go to bed 17 more times before everyone regains the...
NHS recruit Clippit the Paperclip to defend against hackers.
NHS boffins have rolled out the big guns this week, spending over half of their £42.50 IT budget on futuristic anti-virus software. ?
"We needed someone...
Shitheads get new jobs
London - A bunch of irrelevant shitheads all got new jobs today in London. Theresa May is currently reshuffling the pack of lizards who would...
Not all men, say men
Men would like you to know that the thing a man just did, just isn't something they would do
Following a recent incident where a...
New York Giraffe constipated not pregnant
On the 11th of February, the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York began a live feed from the inside of a Giraffe pen.
'April' the...
Boris Johnson confirmed to star in remake of Bill and Ben
Odd hairstyle, dependent upon Weed, strange manner of attire, frankly incomprehensible language - and you can see who's pulling the strings.
Boris Johnson was born to...
Civil rights group shocked after Ant McPartlin sentenced to watching Britain’s Got Talent
Prisoners' rights group, Liberty, protested against the harsh treatment of Ant McPartlin in a strongly worded text to The Rochdale Herald today after the...
Brownlee Brothers win World Three Legged Race Championship
British superstars Jonny and Alister Brownlee were today crowned world 3 legged triathlon race champions in a nail biting finish in Mexico.
Although crossing the...
Tony Blair on the shortlist for Nobel Peace Prize
Former Prime Minister Anthony Charles Lynton "Tony" Blair has been spotted on this year's Nobel Peace Prize shortlist.
Famous for his support of fun loving...
Boris Johnson bitten by radioactive spider, spider now a complete c*nt
A radioactive spider was rushed to the vets today after biting Boris Johnson and subsequently becoming a massive arsehole.
Apparently after biting Mr Johnson the...
Scandal as Corbyn in the pocket of big elbow-patch manufacturing
Labour leader and beardy weirdy Jeremy Corbyn is facing a scandal this evening. It has been uncovered by the Herald that Corbyn has been...
Katie Hopkins replaced by audio book of Mein Kampf narrated by Paul Nuttall
Until LBC can find a suitable successor to Katie Hopkins her slot will be filled by a looped recording of Mein Kampf, narrated by...
Young people should not be ignored says old man ignoring young people
Jeremy Corbyn sought to reconnect with young people today over Brexit by sacking the last of the Remainers in the Shadow Cabinet for suggesting...
Mexican pole vaulter gold medal prospect training at the Trump Wall
Mexico - The Mexican Olympic Games committee have revealed that their biggest prospect of a gold medal in two years time at the 2020...
Ryanair cancels all flights to Russia
Ryanair have announced today that it is cancelling all flights to Russia in 2018.
The move that will be affecting almost no Irish passengers between...
Pooh denies grooming allegations
Aging entertainer Winnie The Pooh is in the headlines again as yet another scandal dogs him.
The bear, who was linked to a series of...
