Monkey With Typewriter Writes ‘Donald Trump Is An Orangutan In A Suit’
There was great excitement at the Royal Institute For Statistical Improbability today.
Beppo, one of the infinite number of monkeys with typewriters trying to type...
British Airways Awarded Southern Rail Franchise
British Airways CEO Alex Cruising has spoken at his joy over the airline being awarded the shambolic Southern Rail Service.
"We can do this." He...
Pound for Pound Sandi Toksvig is paid same as Stephen Fry for hosting QI...
Following the publication of the salaries paid to its top stars the BBC has rushed to deny reports that QI presenter Sandi Toksvig was...
Scientists confirm autocorrect was inverted by a cult
A group of scientists have today confirmed what we have all long believed, that autocorrect was inverted by a cult.
Professor Gerald Wiley spoke to...
Diane Abbott confirmed as new host for next series of NumberWang!
Labour MP and maths whiz Diane Abbott has been confirmed today as the new host of NumberWang!, the daytime TV quiz show.
Speaking today from...
Brexiters excited to leave the EU posthumously
According to a recent poll, Leave voters up and down the country are excited at the prospect of leaving the EU posthumously.
Following continuous delays...
Dick Braine elected leader of Dicks for Brains
Mr Braine was the favoured dickhead ahead of his predecessor, Gerard Batten, who resigned after Dicks for Brains' poor performance in the European elections...
Big Brother to launch Celebrity version with actual celebrities in 2019
Producers of smash-hit and hugely relevant TV show Big Brother have announced a new twist for 2019....actual celebrities will enter the Big Brother house...
Cliff Richard still not a nonce confirms BBC
Singer, God-botherer and long term bachelor for no particular reason is still not suspected of fiddling with young men, according to a BBC report.
The...
Southern Rail hire United Airlines CEO to improve customer service
Sir Horton Brown, head of Southern Rail’s parent Go Ahead and Govia companies is to be replaced this week by the CEO of United...
Trump appoints Mark E Smith as musical ambassador to Europe. Uh.
US president Donald Trump has sent shockwaves through "tin pan ally" by appointing Fall front man and legendary curmudgeon Mark E Smith as his...
Saudi Women win right to be dumped by text
In a landmark ruling in Saudi Arabia women have finally won the right to be dumped by text message.
The victory follows the incredible shift...
Theresa May rehearsing upcoming Brexit u-turn while on hill walking holiday
"It will be my most challenging about face yet." The Prime Minister is reported to have informed her cabinet as they prepared to disband...
Theresa May to appear from Pyramid in Glastonbury
Conservative leader to introduce those monks from Doctor Who on the main stage as Michael Eavis pours away his cider and looks accusingly at...
Experts confirm mulled wine is horrible, Britain rejoices
Experts have announced that mulled wine is horrible and everyone is celebrating as they no longer have to pretend to like it.
Professor Frederick Seddon...
Mary and Joseph to appear on the Jeremy Kyle Show following immaculate conception doubts
The parents of Jesus Christ, Mary and Joseph, will appear on a festive edition of the Jeremy Kyle Show next week, following doubts over...
