Specialists called in after Yorkshireman with Aussie flu says “G’day mate”

0
A Yorkshire man has been rushed to hospital after it was suspected he had the most serious strain of the Aussie flu virus known...
Refugee Doctor

Cholera stricken Yemenis welcome arrival of western homeopaths

0
Authorities in Yemen have welcomed the arrival of western homeopaths in its battle against a recent Cholera outbreak. Larisa Ahmad told us, "We welcome the...
Boris Johnson

I’m not against loonies, I gave Boris a job says May

2
A spokesperson who claims to be from Theresa May's office has called to defend Theresa May after this writer- allegedly- implied that she was...

Gillette admit razors not suitable for sensitive skin

0
International razor brand Gillette has admitted that after years of investment, their product is not suitable for the delicate skin of the modern day...
nurses

Nurses threaten to go on saving lives if public sector pay cap isn’t removed

1
Nurses have upped the ante with the Government by sensationally threatening to continue to act in a professional fashion in their ongoing dispute over...

Rochdale man to drink 100 pints to help the N.H.S.

0
Rochdale resident Jim Tossking has announced that he hopes to raise £25m for the N.H.S. by supping 100 pints of bitter. A regular at Rochdale's...
Doctor

Government to solve doctor shortage by drafting in Job Centre  assessors

26
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt outlined plans today to "fill the doctor void" with medically untrained Job Centre staff. The move has come under heavy criticism...
Nurses

Stressed nurses sick of sick people

0
Shedloads of stressed-out British nurses are leaving the profession because they are fed up with their working conditions and marginally better than national average...
Overweight

Government isn’t spending enough on health, says chain-smoking binge-drinker who doesn’t go to gym

0
An overweight chain-smoking binge-drinker who never does any exercise has confirmed that this government isn't spending enough money on ensuring that his health care...

Dentist warns that Halloween treats ages teeth of refugees

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The spokesman for the Royal College of Dental Surgeons has issued a warning not to feed sweets to starving children.

NHS Funding: Less is more insists Jeremy Hunt

3
A government source told us yesterday that  robot eyed shitkicker Jeremy Hunt has decided to take a more philosophical approach to the NHS crisis. Dr...
Tory

NHS Commodore 64 hacked with ‘ransom cassette’

0
The NHS is in a state of crisis after its computer was hacked earlier today. Patients requiring emergency care are being re-routed to different hospitals around...
Snake

Snake oil cures are for idiots, say snakes

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A spokesnake for snakes everywhere has said that snake oil cures not one single disease known to man. "I get that being mortal is terrifying...
Boots

Morning-after pill still cheaper than taking kids to Spain during School Holidays insists Boots Chief...

0
High street chemist Boots have defied public pressure to reduce the price of their emergency contraceptive pill claiming it represents excellent value for money...
jogging

NHS study shows people with two legs run greater risk of jogging injuries

0
People with two legs run a greater risk of suffering injuries while jogging or running, a new report published Friday by the NHS shows. According...

Thousands of Leave voters dead after do not drink labels removed from bottles of...

0
Several hundred thousand leave voters have died from drinking bleach in the last few days after labels, required under EU health and safety rules,...

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