bottles of water

New Juice Plus rival Juice Minus to include ‘no juice’

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It's that time of the year again when everyone makes doomed to fail resolutions but, fear not, there's a new product on the market...

Its not Lupus.

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Hypochondriacs around the UK were said to be giddy with the excitement at the prospect of a new NHS website that will encourage them...

Thousands come together for eye testing

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Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits. One attendee told us,...
E-Cigarette

E-Cigarettes create ‘Super Organ’

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E-Cigarettes cause your internal organs to fuse together creating one large 'super organ' that later bursts, scientists have found. The two-year study, which followed heavy users of the...
Rees Mogg

Jacob Rees-Mogg announces plan for every UK baby to have his DNA by 2040

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This is a key policy behind Rees-Mogg's bid for the Conservative party leadership. According to leaked documents, he is going to take his cue from...

World Health Organisation on standby as UK confirms youngest ever case of man-flu

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Officials at the World Health Organisation have raised the threat level of a global pandemic to full alert.
Rochdale paramedics

Husband fails to avoid loaded question

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question...

UK moves to a pocket full of posies phase of Coronavirus plan

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The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan. Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use...

Mother of three who has finished her Christmas shopping and bought all of the...

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A woman was rushed to hospital this week suffering from a rare allergic reaction to being overtly smug after completing all her food and...
Man in Waiting Room

A&E waiting times fault of immigrants says bloke with Buzz Lightyear toy stuck up...

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A Lancashire man has spoken of his outrage at being forced to stand and wait for attention in Rochdale A&E for more than four...
NHS

Britain shows appreciation for NHS by funding it properly

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Britain has decided to show its appreciation for the NHS by funding it properly.  The nation has made the decision that it doesn't matter...

NHS recruit Clippit the Paperclip to defend against hackers. 

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NHS boffins have rolled out the big guns this week, spending over half of their £42.50 IT budget on futuristic anti-virus software. ? "We needed someone...

Morrissey spends days in bed

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Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The...

Daily Express reveal AIDS originally created by Corbyn as anti-Tory bio-weapon

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Ground-breaking new research by Daily Express reveals Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, created a modern day plague in league with the IRA As we all know,...
School Crossing

Crossings outside schools to be abolished to cut childhood obesity numbers

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Rochdale Council has announced the removal of pedestrian crossings from in front of schools as early as next week. The decision comes in a week...

World hunger solved after Jeremy Corbyn urinates on field

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World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale. One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one...

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