Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed

1
Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed. "Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing...

Dentist warns that Halloween treats ages teeth of refugees

0
The spokesman for the Royal College of Dental Surgeons has issued a warning not to feed sweets to starving children.
Theresa May

Theresa May Sectioned for safety after gibberish speech about Brexit

0
The Prime Minister was taken into protective custody at a secure mental health unit this afternoon, for her own safety. A spokesperson for Meadows and...
sperm bank

Despite Brexit vote UK National Sperm Bank to close due to wanker shortage

12
Despite all evidence to the contrary the U.K. Is suffering from a profound wanker shortage after the National Sperm Bank recruited only seven wankers in two years.
Overweight

Government isn’t spending enough on health, says chain-smoking binge-drinker who doesn’t go to gym

0
An overweight chain-smoking binge-drinker who never does any exercise has confirmed that this government isn't spending enough money on ensuring that his health care...
Toxic Sign

Trump gives a shot in the arm to 2020 Darwin Awards

0
President Donald Trump has thrown an unexpected and much appreciated lifeline to the 2020 Darwin Awards. The well-known website which describes itself as  a "salute...
Hospital

Salisbury hospital closes and two critically injured after being exposed to Jeremy hunt

0
Salisbury hospital was closed today and 2 people are still critically ill today amidst extraordinary scenes said to be the result of Jeremy Hunt. The...
anti-vaxxer

My kids weren’t vaccinated and the one who didn’t die is okay says anti-vaxxer

45
Tracy O'Daffy of Middleton is heading a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of vaccination throughout the Rochdale area. Tracy has been a long...

NHS partner with WhatsApp to reboot IT project

0
In a move to reduce costs and breathe new life into the long-abandoned £11.4 billion Centralised Records System, the NHS has announced a partnership...
Vegetables

Vegetables ‘have feelings too’ top scientists discover

0
Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown. Researchers were observing the effect...
Hospital

Lovely Grandma catches racism after wiping bottom on Daily Mail

0
A lovely old grandma who contracted racism during a trip to Burnley last week is in a "serious condition" after being admitted to an...
analogue

Government digital service actually still analogue

1
The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber...
Boots

Morning-after pill still cheaper than taking kids to Spain during School Holidays insists Boots Chief...

0
High street chemist Boots have defied public pressure to reduce the price of their emergency contraceptive pill claiming it represents excellent value for money...

Woman killed by drinking mineral water 15 minutes older than best before date

0
A Rochdale resident was found dead at home today after consuming a bottle of water 15 minutes past its expiry date. Police told the Herald that...

NHS Complimentary Medicine Services near collapse

4
The Emergency Services and NHS Trusts in London & the South East areas are reported to be within 24 hours of collapse. Since the vote...

NHS gift vouchers to become nation’s favourite christmas stocking fillers

0
People up and down the country will be able to show their loved ones how much they care by buying gift vouchers for NHS...

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