Fat Man Gym

Man begins month long quest to get fit

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In a determined effort, this time (yes, this time it's for real, not like the other times) Simon Lardon, single, of Sheffield, has given...
Theresa May

Theresa May gives civil servants 300% wage rise for World Aides Day

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Unelected Prime Minister and part time Zelda impersonator has managed to anger both equalities protesters and AIDS awareness groups with her latest gaffe. Mrs May...
theresa nay laughing

May announces bed sharing and brunch in effort to save NHS

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The NHS is in crisis, dead bodies litter corridors and elderly people lie stranded, a trip hazard for nurses, and a health and safety...
knitting

16 Dead In Rochdale Women’s Institute Needle Exchange Hep B Outbreak

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The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated...
Green

Inside the Dark Underbelly of Kensington: Salad Dealers

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Our Herald undercover reporter uncovers the sinister side of the illegal Kensington salad trade. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m standing outside an all-night coffee shop...

Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms

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Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney".  Claiming to...
Doctors

NHS struggling as electorate shoots itself in the other foot

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With the General Election all done bar the shouting, cut-stricken NHS emergency departments are struggling this morning after 43% of the nation shot itself...

Stoner Relieved Global Conspiracy to Crush the Poor Not Just Weed-Induced Paranoia

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Danny Moss, 41, of Milnrow happily cancelled his upcoming trip to the psychiatrist after finally concluding that there really is a shadowy cabal trying to take...

British Public shocked to learn Pizza and San Miguel not Mediterranean Diet

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Rochdalians are being reminded today that having a deep pan 16 inch spicy meat special doesn't count as following a Mediterranean diet- even if...

Your NHS is safe with me, says man who can’t ride bike 

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Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson MBE OBE BFD has insisted that the hospitals he's taking over from the NHS are perfectly safe in his...
Rochdale paramedics

Husband fails to avoid loaded question

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question...
Rochdale paramedics

Emergency services overwhelmed after public blinded by David Dimbleby’s tie

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Emergency Services are at the point of absolute collapse this evening after millions tuned in to the BBC to watch the exit polls this evening...

UK moves to a pocket full of posies phase of Coronavirus plan

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The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan. Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use...

Trump redefines Pre-existing Conditions as type of terror

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A new kind of terrorism is trying to destroy the great American dream, according to the Trump Administration today. “Pre-existing conditions are trying to ruin...

20 a day smoker worried 5G mast will give him cancer

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A Bolton man says he fears that 5 aside football pitch flood light is actually a secret 5G mast that will cause him to...

NHS to be shut down so sick people can get used to feeling poorly 

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In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to...

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