The Conservative Party today claimed once again that the NHS is “safe” in their hands, and denied that huge cuts to NHS services will effect NHS services in any way, shape or form and that handing over a hospital trust to a private company is no way privatisation of any part of the NHS.

“The NHS is struggling, because we have deliberately underfunded the socialist bugger,” said a Conservative spokestwit, “and Sir Richard Branson can totally be trusted with a hospital because he smiles a lot in public.”

We asked if there was any significance in both these things coming to light while MPs are all on their annual leave.

“Absolutely,” said the spokesperson. “Er, no! I mean absolutely not! No. Never. Just as you can rest assured that the silly, outdated and evilly socialist NHS is safe in our ideologically opposed hands, you can also rest assured that we’d never release things when it’s politically convenient.”

Meanwhile Sir Lord Baron Richard Branson denied that there was any connection between him releasing footage of Corbyn just as Corbyn was trying to bring the issue of creeping NHS privatisation back into the public consciousness.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.