Health

Reports are circulating that a middle aged man stripped stark bollock naked last night at local budget gym, LoveMuscle. Eyewitnesses claim he was beating his hairy chest with his fists and foaming at the mouth...

A local nihilist has started a campaign against vaccinations, arguing that they force children to endure the pain and sadness of their futile existence. Stephen Bowers, 19, has been handing out leaflets around Rochdale in...

Coca Cola have announced that the driver of their self-proclaimed ‘traditional’ Christmas Truck has been instructed to keep moving through the UK towns and cities that it visits to keep overweight and pre-diabetes children...

The government has announced plans to re-brand the National Health Service as the Notional Health Service. Jeremy Hunt MP, Secretary of State for Health, is expected to announce the move shortly. "A Notional Health Service...

In a move to reduce costs and breathe new life into the long-abandoned £11.4 billion Centralised Records System, the NHS has announced a partnership with WhatsApp to improve access to patient data. WhatsApp, owned by...

Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown. Researchers were observing the effect of peeling potatoes on levels of starch in fried wedges,...

Scientists have revealed that significantly lower brain function can lead to being a footballer. Researchers said they had identified "significantly lower levels of brain function" as a common factor amongst many footballers who, the study...

High street chemist Boots have defied public pressure to reduce the price of their emergency contraceptive pill claiming it represents excellent value for money compared to trying to find an affordable family holiday during...

As science fiction fans eagerly await the announcement from the BBC about the identity of the umpteenth actor to play the timelord, The Rochdale Herald has uncovered evidence of austerity in the licence fee...

Officials at the World Health Organisation have raised the threat level of a global pandemic to full alert.

"Theresa May is signalling distress." Dr. Maca Damia comments, viewing photos of the Prime Minister kneeling by the road just inside Wales. "Do you see what she has in her hands?" Dr. Damia is a clinical...

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question posed by his wife. James Grossweiner, 52, was caught floundering shortly...

People have been mixing up the Automobile Association and Alcoholics Anonymous on a massive scale, it has emerged. Things came to a head recently when a Rochdale man was surprised to find when filling out...

Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The Smith's, Morrissey. Today we have learnt that the singer, whose real...

The hidden injustice of mental illness is something that Tories really care about, claims the woman who heads a party that has cut mental health provisioning back so far you can see its bone...

The British Homeopathy Association has announced a planned strike over government plans to label their medication as being ‘useless’. The head of the British Homeopathic Association announced the move. There will be a .00000001 second strike...