The British Homeopathy Association has announced a planned strike over government plans to label their medication as being ‘useless’.

The head of the British Homeopathic Association announced the move. There will be a .00000001 second strike on Tuesday, with further microsecond strikes planned the following week. This follows the breakdown of a full and exhaustive 5 second set of discussions with the arbitration and conciliation service, ACAS.

Dr. Irma Quack of the BHA said that the planned disruption would not place patients at risk, as “…they would be forced to use proper medicines that work.”

She went on to say that the action was not only in response to Government plans, but also because counterfeit remedies, many of them watered down versions of the originals, were flooding into the country from abroad.

Dr. Quack cited new evidence that has just been published of double blind scientific trials of homeopathic remedies, showing conclusively that they are an effective treatment for dehydration, if taken in sufficient quantities. However, these new findings are not expected to alter the labelling decision.

The BHA offered reporters a thimble of tea and a biscuit crumb during the announcement. However, some reporters claimed they were offered bribes amounting to ‘one penny’ if they reported favourably about homeopathy.

Dr. Quack denied that support for the action had ‘evaporated as quickly as a remedy uncorked in a heatwave’ and said reports of internal strife over mass production of remedies was ‘water under the bridge’.