Weather

Tragedy has struck Burnley this afternoon after the Scottish band from St Andrew's accidentally locked in their tour Mondeo and died from heat exhaustion. With temperatures in Lancashire soaring above zero it's thought the band,...

Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at a rare public appearance as a guest of Dave Chappelle...

The good people of the Emerald Isle know how to take advantage of this windy bollocks A petition to "tie Bono to a fecking kite" is now the most popular petition of Irish origins on...

As Britain is experiencing the worst snow since last time,the rest of the world has decided to cease all activities and events to let the BBC cover just the snow. A spokesperson for the rest...

One of Britain's leading self-proclaimed driving experts was kind enough to give the Herald some tips on how to drive safely in the snow. "Don't brake," said Fred Goodhead, North region sales director for Rochdale...

Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June. Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department of Genocide, has this to say on the subject, "Well since...

The UK has been warned that parts of the country could get a bit colder now that it is almost December for the billionth year in a row. The Met Office has warned Northern Ireland,...

Climate Change has today confirmed that it will continue on its promise to make the Weather Great Again despite the insistence from some it has no right to do so. “Donald Trump is fake...

As weather experts issue yet another ice warning the people of the North West have told The Rochdale Herald that they actually don't give a shit. A yellow weather alert warning of icy conditions from...

Julian Assange has spent the weekend enjoying the bright sunny weather by sitting in a room in the Ecuadorian embassy with a window open. The native of Ecuador told the Herald, "This morning was very reminiscent...

At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a report anti social behaviour. Reports since indicate that fighting had broken...

In what is seen as a bid to rescue UKIP from self-inflicted obsolescence, leadership hopeful and Anthony Head lookalike, Steven Woolfe has today called for a referendum to secure Britain's opt-out from Global Warming. "We...

The island of Ireland had braced itself for the oncoming of storm Ophelia in the best Irish tradition, with a night of craic and a barrel of Guinness. On Monday it was reported that over...

With temperatures plummeting across the British Isles, many patriotic politicians are complaining at their lack of opportunities to escape the country. Conservative Politicians Jeremy Hunt, Liam Fox, Michael Gove, and David Davis were spotted walking...

The recent weather worries in Cumbria worsened this morning, after 12 minutes of unseasonable partial sunshine exposed a fell walker to lethal levels of the rare nerve agent Vitamin D. With local post temperatures soaring to...

As reports develop of the latest weather front to hit the UK, it appears that a storm is brewing in the music world that's set to overshadow the race for Christmas Number One. It...