No we don’t want to build a bloody snowman, confirm children

0
Children around the UK have confirmed that they don't want to build another bloody snowman. With rain, sleet, snow and more bloody awful weather forecast...
Sunshine

Panic on the streets of Rochdale as glowing hot yellow thing appears in the...

7
Panic has hit the streets of Rochdale today as a unidentified glowing hot yellow glowing orb has appeared in the sky. Terrified Rochdale residents yesterday...
Messy boys bedroom

Weather still not good enough to lure sulky teenager out of his bedroom

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Despite the change in the weather, cloudless skies and temperatures in the high 20s, it is still not enough to persuade moody teenager, Damian...
Family roast dinner

RSPCA urges pet owners to at least season with salt and pepper before leaving...

0
In the current heat wave the RSPCA has urged pet owners to undertake special precautionary measures when traveling with their furry friends this bank...
Hurricane

God pisses himself laughing after sending hurricane named for Harvey Milk to wipe most...

34
God Almighty has reportedly pissed his pants laughing after sending a biblical flood to the most homophobic state in America in response to Donald...
White Patio Furniture

Patio chair braces himself for Storm Brian

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A patio chair in Milnrow is bracing himself for an absolutely terrible few days after news that yet another storm with high winds is...
Red moon

Northerners scared by red moon consult wise woman and prepare sacrifices

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Looking outside last night millions of British citizens were confronted by the moon appearing enlarged and glowing a curious red. Whilst most people south of...

Northerners scared by red sun consult wise woman and prepare sacrifices

33
Looking outside this morning millions of British citizens were confronted by an unusually shade of overcast and the sun glowing a curious red. Researchers from...

Met office issue ice warning in winter

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As weather experts issue yet another ice warning the people of the North West have told The Rochdale Herald that they actually don't give...
Windy Out

It’s a bit windy out

3
People all over the UK who have ears and access to either a door or a window have confirmed that it's a bit windy...

2017 set to be hottest year on record

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Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June. Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department...

Britain WARNED to expect seasonally COLD WEATHER in winter AGAIN

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The UK has been warned that parts of the country could get a bit colder now that it is  December for the billionth year...

Climate Change still insisting Donald Trump is a Chinese Conspiracy

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Climate Change has today confirmed that it will continue on its promise to make the Weather Great Again despite the insistence from some it...
Water Company

Follow Burnley’s example and shower less often, water companies urge Britain

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The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office. A hosepipe ban has been enacted...
Mel Brooks

Mel Brooks confirms rework of The Producers starring Donald Trump about to climax

4
Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at...

Winter 2016 enters third consecutive year

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Meteorologists have confirmed that winter 2016 has entered its third consecutive year. With more bloody miserable weather forecast officials at the Met Office have concluded...

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