Winter 2016 enters third consecutive year

Meteorologists have confirmed that winter 2016 has entered its third consecutive year. With more bloody miserable weather forecast officials at the Met Office have concluded it is still technically February 2016. "It looks like The British...
Heating on

Northern Dad puts heating on

Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains have been cancelled and the army has been put on...
Water Company

Follow Burnley’s example and shower less often, water companies urge Britain

The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office. A hosepipe ban has been enacted by local councils as United Utilities has reported an increase...

Homeworkers mysteriously suntanned

People who work from home are all looking oddly suntanned for people who work at their desks for eight hours a day, leading experts have confirmed. Following extensive research by experts at the Institute of...
Donald Trump

Only Democrats were killed by Hurricane Florence, claims Trump

Donald Trump has claimed all 12 people currently known to have died in the Carolinas as a result of Storm Florence were Democrats. "Proof that God hates the crooked Democrats!" tweeted Trump, melting the keypad...

Great weather for ducks, confirm ducks

Ducks around the UK have confirmed that they are having a really lovely day and are enjoying the weather. Speaking from the middle of a massive puddle in Rochdale Donald, a duck, told The Rochdale...
Inclement weather

Facebook Meteorologists Out In Force

The annual outing of Facebook Meteorologists is in full swing. Facebook servers are under severe strain from the pictures of the first inclement weather of the season. It seems in spite of it being cold...
Sunbathing woman

Homeworkers warned to wear suncream as UK heatwave intensifies

With expectations that this month's sweltering weather could become the norm a health strategy is urgently required to protect the thousands of people who work from home from sunstroke, a House of Commons report...
Birmingham Park in Snow

‘No Bad News Day’ in West Midlands after all morons are snowed-in

The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible day off work. As regular viewers of the Express & Star...
Family roast dinner

RSPCA urges pet owners to at least season with salt and pepper before leaving...

In the current heat wave the RSPCA has urged pet owners to undertake special precautionary measures when traveling with their furry friends this bank holiday weekend. "In this weather you should not be leaving a...

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