Storm Eleanor has battered the United Kingdom with wind of up to 100 miles power hour, damaging property, trees and causing storm risk warnings to go to orange and red.

However a northern man has managed to go through his entire day without making a remark on the adverse weather.

John Bother of Norden cycled three miles to work this morning, completed his eight hour shift and cycled home without once passing comment on the gale force winds with anyone he encountered throughout the day.

Lucy Soffit, who recently moved to Rochdale from Guildford said “it beggars belief! I was writing a tweet about how bad the wind is up here and that I had seen not one, but three wheelie bins blown over in my street this morning, when I noticed John had arrived at work on his push bike!”

“Well, as soon as I got a chance I intercepted him at the kitchenette and asked him why on earth he’d cycle to work in almost hurricane force weather and do you know what he said? He said ‘I didn’t feel like walking.'”

We asked John via telephone whether he would like to pass any comment what-so-ever on the recent weeks adverse weather; he said

“It’s a typical winter, I don’t understand why so many people are so surprised by ice and wind.”

We then asked John if he was looking forward to the end of winter and for the summer months.

“Sure, the rain is a slightly warmer and I won’t have to bother with the fiddly zipper on my big coat.”

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19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.