The UK has been warned that parts of the country could get a bit colder now that it is almost December for the billionth year in a row.

The Met Office has warned Northern Ireland, Wales, the North of England and parts of Scotland to expect temperatures slightly lower than those experienced in June and July this summer.

People are reminded, particularly in Scotland that it might get dark a bit earlier like it always does, every fucking year, in winter.

Meanwhile, according to the BBC, councils in England and Wales have stockpiled a load of salt to put on roads, because sometimes roads get a bit icy in winter. Because it’s a bit colder.

A spokesman for the Met Office said: “We have issued the warning to remind idiots that it’s a bit colder and that they might not want to fall asleep outside.

Because it’s December. I can’t believe we have to do this every year.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.