Water Company

Follow Burnley’s example and shower less often, water companies urge Britain

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The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office. A hosepipe ban has been enacted...
Gritter

Morons wondering why blizzard wasn’t averted by thin layer of salt

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Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet...
Red moon

Northerners scared by red moon consult wise woman and prepare sacrifices

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Looking outside last night millions of British citizens were confronted by the moon appearing enlarged and glowing a curious red. Whilst most people south of...
Big Coat

Man spotted not wearing his ‘Big Coat’ in Rochdale, in June

6
In scenes that shocked many shoppers in Rochdale town centre today, two men who were visiting from far away Bolton, were seen walking through...
KFC

Extreme weather leaves KFC with too much chicken

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As 'The Beast From The East' takes a firm hold across the UK, KFC have announced that it is overrun with chicken as no...
Heating on

Northern Dad puts heating on

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Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains...
Audi

Sixty grand on four wheel drive for one off drive to work in snow...

0
A man has confirmed that his choice of Audi Quattro was justified by the recent inclement weather. Chris Lupton spent most of the morning in...
Messy boys bedroom

Weather still not good enough to lure sulky teenager out of his bedroom

0
Despite the change in the weather, cloudless skies and temperatures in the high 20s, it is still not enough to persuade moody teenager, Damian...
Angry Man

Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend

0
Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the...
BMW

You can’t skid if you don’t brake, confirm BMW drivers

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One of Britain's leading self-proclaimed driving experts was kind enough to give the Herald some tips on how to drive safely in the snow. "Don't...
Shirtless fat man

For f*ck’s sake put a top on, men told

Men have been asked to put some clothes on because they really shouldn't be in the pub half naked.  Professor Gareth Linkeker of the Institute...

After blowing 28 million pounds on Winter Olympics the UK grinds to halt after...

0
Peyongchang 2018 was the most successful Winter Olympics for team GB and just one day after the closing ceremony Britain has begun its annual...

Reality of snow destroys childhood memories of it being fun

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Thousands of stay at home parents forced to play with their slack off kids all day have had to revise their 'happy childhood memories'...

Met office issue ice warning in winter

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As weather experts issue yet another ice warning the people of the North West have told The Rochdale Herald that they actually don't give...

Julian Assange makes the most of the hot weather by opening a window

12
Julian Assange has spent the weekend enjoying the bright sunny weather by sitting in a room in the Ecuadorian embassy with a window open. The...
Dogs die in hot cars

Irony strikes as Dogs Die In Hot Cars die in hot car

Tragedy has struck Burnley this afternoon after the Scottish band from St Andrew's accidentally locked in their tour Mondeo and died from heat exhaustion. With...

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