Ever since the peninsula of Britain became the island of Britain, the inhabitants have been utterly unable to predict or cope with the cold season.

“Every other country in Europe expects winter,” said European Meteorologist Olaf Smugersonson of Rochdale Community University, “they put snowtyres on their cars and generally prepare. In Britain people freak out as if this is novel behaviour for the climate they’ve lived their entire lives in.”

There was a general theory that the popularity of Game of Thrones might get the concept of changing seasons into the national psyche but hopes have been dashed as people across the land stare baffled at the white, wet and windy wonders of winter.
“Ooh! Look snow! Isn’t it amazing?” said Deborah Rainbow Clegg from Derby, “I haven’t seen snow since… When was it? I can’t remember.”

“Last year, dear; this time last year,” explained her patient husband, Stephen.

Whilst public transport runs as efficiently as ever across Europe, where the snow is actually thicker than a wet wipe, it’s expected that train, tube and bus services across this country will be late at best and more likely cancelled.