Nuclear explosion

A year in review because I don’t know if we’ll still be here in...

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If there is a god then 2016 is his version of an April fools day prank. Long gone are the days of plagues of...
Mo Farah

QUEEN defends herself from MUSLIM IMMIGRANT with SWORD

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According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword. A...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn urges Labour MP’s to get behind Theresa May or risk making him...

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Jeremy Corbyn has told Labour MP's that they had better get behind Theresa May and her, "And then there were none" vision of Brexit...
Cross Eyed Man

The light shines out of my arse, says man who got toothpaste and Anusol...

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Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and...

Parents Bigger Liars Than Politicians

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Research done by students at Rochdale's Kingsway Park school suggests that parents are bigger liars than politicians. 6th Former Tom Wilkes who was head of the...
Theresa May

Theresa May negotiates paying full price for a DFS sofa

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Theresa May has succeeded in negotiating paying full price on a sofa from DFS. Mrs May was returning from Salzburg following the most disappointing trip...

Last week’s news roundup

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Head of Britain First, Paul Golding, was arrested and sentenced to prison for obsessively visiting places he supposedly hates. He reportedly hates prison too...
Scientists

Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea

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A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea. Clarence Tetley,...
Al Powell

Racist black cop shoots mentally unstable white veteran, says Fox News

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Fox News has accused the LA Police Department of institutional racism after a black cop shot a mentally unstable white veteran on the steps...
BBC Question Time

Question Time cut short after woman dies of boredom

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The BBC's Question Time recording was cut short on Thursday after an audience member passed out from boredom during the recording. Filming of the BBC...

Roller coaster that maimed young people perfect metaphor for Brexit says The Sun

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The Sun "Newspaper" has chosen to symbolise Brexit using a picture of the Alton Towers roller coaster, The Smiler. One reader commented, "It's strange that...
Bono

Several million Irish sign petition to tie Bono to a fecking kite

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The good people of the Emerald Isle know how to take advantage of this windy bollocks A petition to "tie Bono to a fecking kite"...
Boris Johnson

Foreign Office warns tourists not to travel to Iran while Boris is Foreign Secretary

In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already...
Daily Mail Readers

Mail Online reassures readers faulty fridge wasn’t bought by a white person

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The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell...

To be fair I was pissed, says Nigel 2.0 candidate

Steven Woolfe, the chief xenophobe-in-waiting of totally unracist UKIP party has been caught out forgetting things. Again. After forgetting to apply for the candidacy he's standing...

Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS

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Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional. His father, Robert...

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