Man gets straw into Capri Sun first go
A bloke from Rochdale is being praised as some kind of wizard today after getting a straw into a Capri Sun on his effort.
Ryan...
London pints to come with free kick in knackers from 2019
Consumers concerned with the rising price of alcohol in the UK received a welcome boost today, as it was confirmed all boozers in the...
Coronavirus maybe more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith warns Government
The Government is warning that Coronavirus could be more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith. The warning comes as the number of cases in Britain...
Scientists discover creature smaller than Theresa May’s credibility.
Biologists wielding enormous magnifying glasses today discovered a newt thought to be the world's smallest living thing.
This infinitesimal being has been proved by scientists...
Brexit Halloween Threat
Preparations for the commercialisation of an ancient pagan tradition were thrown into disarray today when importers of Halloween costumes reported that due to poor...
May criticised for scheduling Queen’s speech on Day of Rage
After weeks of uncertainty tinged with tragedy, the hard right fanatical Tories have been hammering out a deal with the DUP, which will finally...
We mess with clothes sizing to mess with your heads shops tell women
Leading women's clothing shop owners have said they stock clothes with inconsistent sizing to mess with women's heads.
One leading shop owner said, "We deliberately...
Foreigners with British citizenship MUST support England in the football, IT’S THE LAW
A Brazilian woman and her South African friend, who have both recently attained British citizenship, have been reported to the authorities after announcing that...
Siberia braces itself for unseasonal British drizzle
Russian media is warning residents of Central Sibera that the usually frozen steppes will be be bit damper than Britain all week.
Prisoners in Siberian...
What are your plans for Christmas, ask Mums who have already planned everybody’s Christmas
A Rochdale Mum who has already meticulously planned her entire extended family’s Christmases has asked her children what they are planning to do on...
Conservative Party campaign back on track after nobody resigns over rape or racism allegations...
The Tory Party is today celebrating getting its election campaign back on track after it managed to go a full half an hour without...
McVities recall 100,000 packets of Hobnobs after putting chocolate on wrong side
Biscuit giant McVities have issued an urgent product recall of their chocolate hobnob range, after it was found that a recent batch of the...
North East has nowt to do with us, claims Government
Following a cabinet meeting on Tuesday the government has denied responsibility for the north east stating "we didn't want it in the first place....
‘Corporal punishment should be reinstated’ – people against Sharia law
A recent survey of lobotomised knuckle dragging fuck nuggets revealed that they are fighting against the values that they themselves hold most dear.
We caught...
Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame
Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of...
Three billion seems reasonable for boat with hole in it, says Government responsible for...
The people responsible for negotiating the UK's exit from the European Union have confirmed that three billion pounds is a completely reasonable sum of...
