Nuttall loses close personal seats in election disaster
Accident prone Paul Nuttall, leader of UKIP, faced fresh tragedy today after learning that all his ‘close personal seats’ were lost in an election...
Big Ben chime to be replaced with Islamic Call to Prayer
London Mayor Sadiq Khan said, “I welcome the decision by parliament to allow London’s rich culture to be reflected in its most loved landmarks. We all know and love Big Ben’s regular chimes and I am certain Londoners will come to appreciate the melodic chant of the Adhan five times a day.”
Marrying melanin maddens media more than molesting minors
As news broke that Harry and Meghan have decided to quit their jobs to spend less time with their family, the country braced itself...
American tourists Popeye cockup
A group of American tourists are threatening to sue a Birmingham hotel , after claiming that the owners have exposed them to humiliation and...
Charity begins at home, say dickheads who don’t give money to charity
Total wankers around the country have responded to increases in the foreign aid budget by insisting that charity begins at home.
The wankers, who can...
Tony Blair has already earned more than you
Tony Blair has already earned more than you will this year and it's only January.
For those unfamiliar, Mr Blair is the most successful leader...
OUTRAGE as gender neutral snowbeing desecrated with COCK AND BALLS!!!
GMP Saddleworth were last night were conducting a full manhunt, as the spate of gender neutral snow beings being cruelly desecrated with a carrot...
Teabag enters second month on little plate by kettle
A teabag is currently entering its second month of lying in state on a little plate by the kettle in the kitchen.
Barbara Dickinson of...
Boris Johnson praises BBC for spending £250m on non-existent PPE for the Proms
Boris Johnson has said that Britain shouldn't be ashamed about the BBC's decision to spend £250m on non-existent PPE for the Last Night of...
Child confused as to why he can’t just accept his school mates for who...
In a candid interview for the Rochdale Herald, an unnamed child of parents who sincerely believe that their child can somehow be damaged by...
Cute dog is a savage little shit
A survey of very cute little dogs has discovered that almost 99.9% of them are in fact savage little bastards.
The survey which was carried...
Some bloke in UKIP said something about the BBC
Bill Etheridge, a candidate for hard right conservative comedy troupe UKIP has said that the BBC should be privatised because it's "shoving left wing...
May To Choose Baby To Kiss During Campaign By Enforced National Raffle
Downing Street announced today that all families in the U.K. which include one or more infants are to be issued with a special raffle...
You ain’t no white van man bruv, delivery driver tells Finsbury attacker
The white van man community has been under a great deal of pressure to apologise for one of them deliberately running over members of...
Government promises next batch of fivers ‘will be halal’
There was an outpouring of fury earlier this week from vegetarians, vegans and religious groups as it was revealed that our new £5 notes...
Royal Baby ‘pretty unlikely to be ginger’ say Palace sources
Buckingham Palace sources have told The Rochdale Herald that it is "pretty bloody unlikely" that the next Royal baby will be a ginger.
They...
