Rail fares rise takes taking the piss further
The average price of standing between a handful of sweaty commuters whilst the will to live is squeezed out of you is to rise by around 2.3%. Again.
Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed
Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed.
"Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing...
Recently renamed London landmark Massive Mohammed to ring out for Diwali despite repairs
There will be fewer quiet nights during October after the authorities in charge of the House of Commons agreed to give the recently renamed...
Writing satire ‘not even possible anymore’
Authors of satirical magazines and websites across the globe have confirmed that reality has now overtaken the worst piss-taking they could ever imagine.
"Donald Trump...
Britain urged to get used to winter
With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get...
New royal baby to be called DIANA and raised as a GIRL
Buckingham Palace has sought to quash rumours that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are set to call their new baby boy 'Diana' and...
Sound of Jeremy Hunt flushing money down forty grand toilet replaces Big Ben chimes...
NHS workers and the general public were reassured this morning to learn Jeremy Hunt flushing money down his new toilet will replace the sound...
Beggars fined for begging to pay begging fines
Vulnerable homeless people are now being forced into longer begging hours to pay the newly introduced fines for begging.
In another PR triumph for...
Prime Minister to help poor by donating fox meat to food banks
Theresa May has today unveiled plans to improve the diet of malnourished children in areas with high levels poverty.
"This is a great policy that kills...
Cat who shit in litter tray lined with Daily Mail appointed editor
A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor...
Christmas moved to November 12th
Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December.
The...
May slams link to Wheat Supremacists claims as ‘ridiculous’
Theresa May has dismissed claims that she met and briefed Czech Wheat Supremacists during the Cold War years as a "ridiculous smear".
According to a...
Aggressive beggars to marry in Windsor Castle in May
People across the country have been delighted by the recent news that one of the UK's sponsored panhandlers has decided to let a wealthy,...
Jim Bowen to be placed in burning speedboat in viking funeral
Jim Bowen, the comedian and inventor of darts is to receive a full viking funeral.
Mr Bowen, who invented the game of "darts" in the...
Queen shows solidarity with NHS workers by only accepting 1% pay rise
Her Maj Queen Elizabeth II today graciously accepted a £6m pay increase in order to show solidarity with nurses and teachers.
"I heard that public...
Man still wearing shorts admits his legs are cold
Tom Hodgkins of Heywood today admitted that wearing shorts in winter is a bad idea and his leg are cold.
We caught up with Tom,...
