Daily Mail Editor suspected stroke after Muslim Immigrant awarded Knighthood in New Year’s Honours

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The Editor of the Daily Mail is in a critical condition today after learning that a Muslim has been knighted by the Queen in the New Year's Honours list.
Bleeding figure of Christ

PC BBC bans ‘graphically violent’ crucifixion depictions for Easter

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In a controversial move, the BBC has announced it will be 'normalising' it's guidelines for showing scenes of violence, by banning all images of...
oldham

Fears grow for BBC Explorer missing in Oldham

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The alarm was raised today after BBC documentary maker and explorer Professor Robert Falcon failed to emerge from Oldham after missing his rendezvous with...
Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

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The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob...

Oxford English Dictionary finally defines ‘Brexit’

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Brexit means Brexit… says Mrs T. May of Downing Street. Her assertion has prompted many people to ask exactly what ‘Brexit’ means. Answers have so far...
Homeless

Every doorway to get free homeless person, pledge Conservatives

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The Tory Party has pledged that every doorway in Britain will get a free homeless person by 2021. A spokesman told us, "The Tory Party...

Ireland wakes up in South Atlantic after all-night craic.

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The island of Ireland had braced itself for the oncoming of storm Ophelia in the best Irish tradition, with a night of craic and...

The Shard ‘nearly finished’

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The Shard in London is nearing completion, according to developers. Once finished, it will stand at 310m and will be the tallest building in the...

Boris Johnson praises BBC for spending £250m on non-existent PPE for the Proms

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Boris Johnson has said that Britain shouldn't be ashamed about the BBC's decision to spend £250m on non-existent PPE for the Last Night of...

Tories secure parent vote after abolishing school holidays, weekends and Christmas

Parents up and down the country have thrown their support behind the Conservatives today after details emerged of a radical new plan to abolish school holidays and send children to school for 12 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.

Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit

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Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today. There's been a...

Jeremy Corbyn was a Sugababe – fresh allegations rock Westminster

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn was under fresh scrutiny today after it was alleged he was once the fourth member of noughties pop sensations 'Sugababes'. Speaking...
Daily Mail Readers

Mail Online reassures readers faulty fridge wasn’t bought by a white person

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The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell...
Man buying a wheel

I suppose we better start our Christmas shopping, say men

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Men all over the world are reluctantly conceding that now might be a good time to start their Christmas shopping. "If I start shopping at...

Rochdale PR firms enters FTSE 250 after winning Simon Danczuk crisis management contract

There was jubilation in Rochdale this afternoon as Clifford Savile Associates PLC announced their entry into the FTSE 250 for the first time. The news...

Dominic Cummings appears on TV to tell plebs to f*** off in person

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Dominic Cummings has appeared on the BBC to tell everyone to f*** off and leave him alone. Speaking to Secretary of the Boris Booster Club,...

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