Snowman

OUTRAGE as gender neutral snowbeing desecrated with COCK AND BALLS!!!

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GMP Saddleworth were last night were conducting a full manhunt, as the spate of gender neutral snow beings being cruelly desecrated with a carrot...
Teenage Pregnancy

Burnley teenager saves fortune on Father’s Day cards by having all kids with same...

A teenager from Burnley has saved an absolute fortune on Father's Day by having all seven of her children with the same bloke. Kayleigh-Leigh Leigh-Ann...

Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting

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A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy. The teacher, who asked not...
Gritter

Morons wondering why blizzard wasn’t averted by thin layer of salt

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Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet...
Prince Harry

Prince Harry to marry woman he is barely related to

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Prince Harry is breaking with Royal protocol by marrying an American actress he is barely related to. Kensington Palace are said to be disturbed  saying...
Demolition

Council demolish victim’s home to erect memorial garden for dead burglar

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In a surprise move today London councillors have confirmed plans to demolish the home of 78 year old Mr Osborn-Brooks and in its place...
Business

Labour lose 30 seats in boundary adjustment, laugh Tories

The Conservative Party and the conservative government have denied that the electoral boundary change proposals are an attempt to ensure a Conservative advantage. "It's just...
Jesus Christ

Jesus ‘probably had eczema’

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Jesus of Nazareth may have had eczema, dermatologists have found. New evidence that The Lord suffered from the common skin complaint emerged following fresh analysis...
Alan Rickman

Man falls to death after Christmas party gets out of hand

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A German national has plummeted to his death after a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Tower in Los Angeles got a little bit out...
Heart Attack

What do you mean bride’s father pays? Asks Meghan Markle’s father before heart attack

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It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters...
For Sale Signs

Mortgage lenders to accept kidneys instead of mortgage deposits for first time buyers

Two mortgage lenders have announced that from 2018 they will accept the harvested organs of buyers with small deposits in a bid to attract...
Shocked Santa

Big Fat Secret Santa Appeal – 2,000 Gifts bought in 72 hours

Three days ago we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network, Angry People...
riot police 2

Police urge Burnley residents not to report sightings of fruit and veg in shops

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Police in Burnley have been inundated with 999 calls after shops started stocking fresh fruit and veg. Rumours that local shops had been taking secret...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling announces RAF to be replaced by the Russian Air Force

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Chris Grayling has announced that the Royal Air Force will be disbanded and its responsibilities outsourced to the Russian Air Force. Speaking from Ivan the...
Prime Minister

Theresa May demands everyone gets behind flat Earth theory

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Theresa May is to urge Tory delegates to get behind her theory that the Earth is actually flat. Mrs May is telling everyone they need...
Jacob Rees Mogg

Scary brexiteer “Mogo” revealed to be a hoax

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Jacob Rees-Mogg,known to the internet as "Mogo",the scary haunted Victorian doll,has been revealed to be a hoax. Pictures of Mogo have been popping up on...

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