Michel Barnier to meet Dominic Raab to tell him to fuck off in person

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Dominic Raab is due to meet Michel Barnier for an intense 6 hours of being told to fuck off after asking for all the...

Cummings reveals he was attending Durham Pizza Express

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Dominic Cummings has dramatically revealed that he was visiting Durham's Pizza Express on the advice of Prince Andrew. In a televised interview Cummings said, "I...
Messy boys bedroom

Weather still not good enough to lure sulky teenager out of his bedroom

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Despite the change in the weather, cloudless skies and temperatures in the high 20s, it is still not enough to persuade moody teenager, Damian...
Remote pointing at TV

GCHQ Samsung smart TV hack reveals threat to UK

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WikiLeaks revelations that GCHQ has hacked into Samsung smart TV sets to turn them into listening devices has revealed some fascinating facts impacting on...

BBC Breakfast mix up Sturgeon with Gorilla

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BBC Breakfast has apologised after images of the gorilla Kumbuka, whose recent non-escape filled a slow news day, were shown on screen instead of...
Entrenching Tool

Digging f#*#*#g foxholes is new black in today’s British Army

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The humble British Army entrenching tool, a short, squat, folding standard NATO issued 3-way shovel, pick and close combat weapon, has surged in popularity amongst...

Oxford English Dictionary finally defines ‘Brexit’

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Brexit means Brexit… says Mrs T. May of Downing Street. Her assertion has prompted many people to ask exactly what ‘Brexit’ means. Answers have so far...

Queen’s Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu

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There are rumours today that the Queen's Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu. A furious Palace insider told us, "It's completely ridiculous. I've...

BBC bans presenters saying “Happy Holidays” because it offends Christians

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The BBC has banned presenters from using the term, "Happy Holidays" as it offends Christians. Rochdale resident Stan Still told us, "This is PC rubbish...
British Army

Man who’s never met a squaddie shocked army contains right wing extremists

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A Rochdale man has told of his shock at discovering that some members of the British Army hold extreme right wing views. Cal Low, who...
Demolition

New EU regulations will require all new houses to have Toulouse

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Flush from the success of Brexit, the EU Commission has been swift to demonstrate what the future looks like without a good hard Brit. ...
theresa nay laughing

You can’t derail me, cackles lunatic on roof of burning runaway freight train

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A woman sitting on the roof of a runaway train full of burning horseshit has said she is "proving the doubters wrong" after not...

Scottish government urged to act as Edinburgh chip shop caught selling deep-fried HEROIN

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Health campaigners in Scotland have urged the SNP government to take immediate action after an Edinburgh chip shop was found to be selling deep-fried...
Man with lizard face

Britain First Announces Pact With Lizard People

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Britain First, the right-wing political party for twats of all ages, has announced a revolutionary partnership with The Lizard People, a secretive reptilian group of aliens...
Vicki Pollard

Burnley ‘model’ swaps ‘virginity’ for fish and chip supper

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A 19-year old 'model from Burnley has spoken of a dream come true after she swapped her 'virginity' for some fish and chips with...
Rubbish in Street

Piled rubbish masks smell of Birmingham city

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Birmingham city council, has for the past few weeks been in the grips of a public sector strike. Birmingham’s ‘bin men’ are demanding fairer/higher...

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