Police chiefs launch captive breeding programme in bid to boost officer numbers
Police chiefs in England and Wales have been asked to contribute their best and brightest officers to a captive breeding programme due to be launched in...
Blitz Spirit redefined to mean allowing a foreign Government to choose your ambassador
The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that it is redefining the meaning of Blitz Spirit. The move comes a day after the British Government...
Prince Nuttall Awakens Britain’s Slumbering Populace With A Kiss
Joyful celebrations were heard throughout the Kingdom after it was confirmed that Prince Nuttall of UKIP had awakened Princess Populace with a kiss.
Handsome Prince...
Social Services called after parents name baby Nigel
United Kingdom - Reports are emerging that Social Services have stepped in and taken a child into care in Burnley after learning that the...
Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public
HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.
Palace officials were quick to point...
Royal baby has already earned more than you
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have left hospital after increasing the burden on the taxpayer for a third time.
The new prince, who was...
Man with six kids reckons he knows more about withdrawal method than some woman
The latest Etonian voice of the people, Jacob Rees-Mogg, is convinced that his Catholicism gives him the the edge on some woman
Jacob Rees-Mogg, who...
Big Ben to be renamed Massive Mohammed from 2018
Equality campaigners have welcomed plans to rename Big Ben as part of a project celebrating London's rich cultural heritage.
The famous landmark, which is due...
Forecasters predict Christmas will be a fraught and expensive ordeal
Economic experts are forecasting that Christmas 2017 will see a double digit percentage increase in cost to the average family, based on a basket...
Cummings reveals he was attending Durham Pizza Express
Dominic Cummings has dramatically revealed that he was visiting Durham's Pizza Express on the advice of Prince Andrew.
In a televised interview Cummings said, "I...
Stop calling us liars, lying racist shitsticks tell Microsoft
The Daily Mail is calling for a web browser alert that tells readers that prolonged exposure to its website will turn them into completely...
Rail fares rise takes taking the piss further
The average price of standing between a handful of sweaty commuters whilst the will to live is squeezed out of you is to rise by around 2.3%. Again.
Corbyn to sell your cat to pay for a statue of Lenin, confirms BBC
The BBC has confirmed that should Jeremy Corbyn win the General Election he intends to sell peoples cats to fund a statue of Lenin.
The...
Satirists across the globe have a day off due to lack of news
The Daily Mash, NewsThump, SNN and The Poke all refused to post content today as world events seemed to have ground a to halt.
"A...
Northern woman puts heating on
A woman from the North of England has shocked the country by putting the heating on in October.
Denise Dufite, originally from the northern town...
Tony the Tiger loses paw to Type 2 diabetes
Tony the Tiger, the face of the Frosties breakfast cereal brand since 1952, has according to sources, lost a paw to Type 2 diabetes.
Mr...
