Paul Golding Christmas Carol
Jingle Bells
My cell smells
It's gloomy and its rank
I only pissed some Muslims off
Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey
Jingle Bells
This is hell
I don't think...
Man spotted not wearing his ‘Big Coat’ in Rochdale, in June
In scenes that shocked many shoppers in Rochdale town centre today, two men who were visiting from far away Bolton, were seen walking through...
Food bank staff find donation of Rees-Mogg voodoo dolls and pins ‘really rather uplifting’
Volunteers at the Rochdale City Centre Food Bank have described cheering up considerably after someone anonymously donated a large box of voodoo dolls in...
Ant and Dec to host Coronavirus Daily Update
Following the news that The Daily Coronavirus Update is losing viewers faster than America is running out of MolotovCocktails, BBC producers have paid an undisclosed...
Grouse shoots report sudden increase in children’s birthday party bookings
The leaders of some of Britain's major grouse shoots have reported that children's birthday party bookings are up 100%.
Hubert Chomlomoley-Wearnear told us, "Normally at...
Prince Harry arrested in Windsor for aggressive begging to pay for wedding
Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police...
Defiant Brit resumes place in queue
Stuart Anderson, has resumed his place in the Borough Market cheese stall queue.
Anderson, 34, told the Herald that he was going to a dinner...
Middle-class mums save planet by driving to Waitrose in massive Range Rovers to buy...
Middle class mums all over the Home Counties are being credited with a reversal to the effects of Global Warming after tens of thousands...
Confused Alt-Right activists boycott PC World
Several branches of the computer retailer PC World have reported a spike in confused right-wing "activists" gathering outside their premises in protest.
The cause of...
Get on smack if you love the Union Jack – patriots demand you inject...
Britain's most patriotic patriots have led calls for everyone in the country to be forced to inject themselves with poppies. The push for proper...
Government launches electric car scrappage scheme to combat CO2 shortage
In a move that characterises the Government's inability to understand science it has been announced that they will launch an electric car scrappage scheme...
Piers Morgan leads star studded sing along to F**k Tha Police
Piers Morgan shared a video on Tuesday night showing him and other self-quarantined celebrities singing NWA's "Fuck Tha Police"
"Hi guys. Day who knows what...
Arsonists shocked building they set on fire is burning
A group of arsonists have spoken of their shock at discovering that a building they've spent a decade carefully trying to set fire to...
Pink shirts are all the rage, says man who left red sock in washing...
A bloke who only wears pink shirts now is insisting that they are all the rage having washed all of his white clothes with...
Thirty nine bus seats arrested in counter-terrorism operation
In what police are describing as a “significant” counter-terrorism operation, thirty nine bus seats were arrested today on suspicion of being involved in jihadist...
People who go for walks but don’t own a dog are a bit weird...
The Kennel club released a statement this afternoon saying that people who don't own a dog but go for a daily walk are a bit weird, probably up to something and should be approached with caution.
