Kensington and Chelsea Council crowned Royal Rassclart of the Year

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In a much needed triumph for the under pressure Conservative party, its leadership of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea has received recognition...

Rolf Harris to paint The Queen again for TV comeback special

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Former popular television presenter to repaint Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth following release from prison. Rolf Harris, 87, is rumoured to be looking at the possibility...
bus driver

Bus drivers distraught they can’t lose shit when given a fiver due to increased...

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Bus drivers distraught they can't lose their shit when given a fiver, due to increased ticket prices. Up and down the country local bus drivers...
Poppy Seller

Islamic poppies being considered by the Royal British Legion

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Islamic poppies, which would be green, with a white star and crescent, are being discussed by the Royal British Legion. This has predictably stirred up...

BBC Breakfast mix up Sturgeon with Gorilla

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BBC Breakfast has apologised after images of the gorilla Kumbuka, whose recent non-escape filled a slow news day, were shown on screen instead of...

Northern woman puts heating on

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A woman from the North of England has shocked the country by putting the heating on in October. Denise Dufite, originally from the northern town...

Nurses and Firemen organise whip-round to help pensioner do up her house

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Well off government workers including nurses, firemen and the police are banding together to help impoverished pensioner, Liz, 91, from Windsor. 'We heard about the...

Josef Fritzl gets Knighthood in New Years honours

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Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of...

Relief for constipated Dog after long search for the perfect spot leads to Downing...

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There was massive relief for the owner of a constipated dog today, as their long search for the perfect dumping spot finally ended in...
Heart Attack

What do you mean bride’s father pays? Asks Meghan Markle’s father before heart attack

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It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters...
Burkha

MP’s staff to wear burkas in effort to make them less alluring to MP’s

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MP's have demanded that a new dress code be brought in for their staff to make them less alluring sexually. It's hoped that the...
Teenage Pregnancy

Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19

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Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling announces RAF to be replaced by the Russian Air Force

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Chris Grayling has announced that the Royal Air Force will be disbanded and its responsibilities outsourced to the Russian Air Force. Speaking from Ivan the...

Tate & Lyle sponsor cabinet meetings

After what critics are calling a feeble effort to tackle childhood obesity the government is now in hot water again as it transpired that...

French Declare Victory and Award Medals After Sniper Shoots Drinks Waiter

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France has declared 3 days of National holidays after a "hero" sniper accidentally injured two people who were moving cases of Evian at an...
Couple with dog

Man thinks they’re getting dog instead of a baby

A poor deluded fool from Rochdale has convinced himself that he and his long term partner are getting a puppy instead of a baby. Steve...

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