Amber Rudd

Amber Rudd becomes Secretary at Home

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Amber Rudd today denied she had resigned as Home Secretary, and claimed she had simply renegotiated the job title and specification. "I have agreed...

School sex education classes to be replaced by Love Island

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School sex education classes are rubbish and should be replaced by episodes of Love Island it has been decided. Justine Greening said, "Learning to draw...
White Van

White van man smashes World Land Speed Record

A plumber’s apprentice from Birtle has utterly smashed the world land speed record on the M66 in a white Peugeot van. The news that Jamie...

Man singing “Free Tommy Robinson” thought he was entering competition to meet him

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A man who spent yesterday in London singing "Free Tommy Robinson" has said he thought he was entering a competition to meet him. Dave Wild...

Man believes in equality because he has daughters

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A man has confirmed today that he is “totally woke” on the issues facing women today, because he has made not just one, but...
Ryanair

Birmingham Airport begins Windows 10 update

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Birmingham Airport officials have announced they've accidentally started a Windows 10 update. The update is alleged to have caused the air traffic control centre...

To be fair I was pissed, says Nigel 2.0 candidate

Steven Woolfe, the chief xenophobe-in-waiting of totally unracist UKIP party has been caught out forgetting things. Again. After forgetting to apply for the candidacy he's standing...
The Stig

Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes, to appeal to middle aged white men

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A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's...
Entrenching Tool

Digging f#*#*#g foxholes is new black in today’s British Army

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The humble British Army entrenching tool, a short, squat, folding standard NATO issued 3-way shovel, pick and close combat weapon, has surged in popularity amongst...
Chelsea Pensioner

Chelsea Pensioner breaks Paul Golding’s nose

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Biffer bashed as Veteran rejects attempt to hijack Remembrance Sunday Remembrance Sunday is commemorated every year on the second Sunday of November to mark the...
Village fete

Vote leave caught cheating at tombola

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The vote leave campaign have today received a stern glare and a verbal ticking off for cheating at the village fete tombola. It turns out...
Alf Garnett

Love Thy Neighbour and Till Death do us Part set to get reboots.

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The BBC and ITV have both announced this week that they intend reviving certain 'classic' 70's sitcoms because of the current fashion for being...

Army called in to Burnley find ‘riot’ just sale at Farmfoods

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The British Army was deployed in Burnley town centre earlier today to quell civil unrest apparently taking place in the city's popular shopping district. Army...
Unhappy Child

Scotland to ban Smack for children

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The Scottish government has confirmed that children will no longer be able to use Smack in Scotland. The move would make the country the first...
Ryanair

Calling people a Black Bastard is a term of endearment, says Ryanair racist

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A man who was filmed saying racist things to a black grandma on a Ryanair flight this week has said that calling her a...

Prince Andrew to release sex tape

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Prince Andrew will release a sex tape in the cuming weeks in an effort to put to bed any rumours about his relationship with...

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