We want to control our own borders! As long as our borders stay in...
Today small minded people up and down the land were in uproar as rumours that the cheese eating surrender monkeys want the English border...
Extreme weather leaves KFC with too much chicken
As 'The Beast From The East' takes a firm hold across the UK, KFC have announced that it is overrun with chicken as no...
Tower Bridge To House Migrants
London readers will notice scaffolding appearing on the iconic Tower Bridge today (Saturday) as the bridge is now closed until December in order to...
Dominic Raaaaab resigns to commit more time to GCSE resit
Dominic Raab has announced he's resigning to spend more time with his Geography GCSE revision.
Mr Raaab announced his resignation earlier today saying, "I've...
People who make flammable models to face higher standard of justice than people who...
The people who burnt a model of the Grenfell tower on bonfire should face a much higher standard of justice than the people who...
Amber Rudd becomes Secretary at Home
Amber Rudd today denied she had resigned as Home Secretary, and claimed she had simply renegotiated the job title and specification.
"I have agreed...
Bloke donates money to charity without fingering a stranger
United Kingdom - A bloke from the United Kingdom has become the first man ever to make a donation to charity without sexually assaulting a stranger, according to reports.
British vegetarians declare tuna a vegetable for the sake of everyone’s sanity on Spanish...
The Royal Society of Being Scared of Food, which has represented vegetarians for over forty years, declared tuna a vegetable today for the purpose...
Children of hippy parents gear up for annual disappointment of ethical advent calendars
The children of hippies have been telling the Herald about how they've been preparing for receiving disappointing advent calendars.
8 year old Freedom Snowphish said,...
Man with plan to carpe the absolute diem out of today now on his...
A Rochdale man woke up Monday morning to his Eye of the Tiger alarm clock, punched the air, and said let’s get to work.
Trevor...
May slams link to Wheat Supremacists claims as ‘ridiculous’
Theresa May has dismissed claims that she met and briefed Czech Wheat Supremacists during the Cold War years as a "ridiculous smear".
According to a...
Britain First Announces Pact With Lizard People
Britain First, the right-wing political party for twats of all ages, has announced a revolutionary partnership with The Lizard People, a secretive reptilian group of aliens...
Revealed: your top 5 favourite ways to explain Corbyn losing a general election to...
Jeremy Corbyn is the people's champion and the most popular politician in England, so, just how do the people of Rochdale think he lost...
Bin man feared dead after ship called Dignity found wrecked off west coast
Fears are growing this evening for a Glasgow bin man whose boat has been found wrecked off the west coast of Scotland.
The man, a...
For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain
The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and...
Foreign Office warns tourists not to travel to Iran while Boris is Foreign Secretary
In a move that has rocked the travel industry, British holidaymakers have been banned from travelling to any destination that Boris Johnson has already...
