I’m glad she can spend more time with family, says deported Brit who won’t...
Amber Rudd has resigned as Home Secretary, saying she "inadvertently misled" MPs over which policies of her predecessor, Theresa May, she was continuing to...
Bloke in leather jacket thinks he looks cool
A leather jacket being worn by an overweight middle-aged northern bloke is utterly failing to make him look cool.
Steve Dickinson’s faux vintage black leather...
Fears of bush fire on Saddleworth moor causing huge smoke cloud actually vaping Hipster
For three days smoke has filled the skies above north Manchester as Saddleworth moor has been seemingly ablaze, leaving North Manchester covered in a...
Scotland to ban Smack for children
The Scottish government has confirmed that children will no longer be able to use Smack in Scotland.
The move would make the country the first...
Britain warned Brexit could be as bad as Star Wars: The Phatom Menace
Britain has been warned that Brexit could be as bad as Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. The warning comes a week after the Government...
Gyms too fucking busy, confirm everybody
Britain's gyms are in a state of absolute chaos as billions of people descended on them today.
It was standing room only in every single...
Family dog requests compassionate leave to mourn arrival of baby
Charlotte, a seven year old English Bulldog, is heart broken after a new baby was born this morning in her family.
She admits to being...
Praying for Grenfell survivors definitely the least you can do, say experts
Praying for the survivors and victims of the Grenfell Tower fire is definitely the least you can do experts have claimed.
Dr Frederick Seddon...
Paul Nuttall – Why I Won’t Talk About Fight Club
Paul Nuttall O.B.E is reluctant to talk about Fight Club, the global phenomenon he founded in 1996.
“Chuck and me, we don't talk about it." He...
Red Weather Warning as Conservative Politicians spotted with hands in own pockets
With temperatures plummeting across the British Isles, many patriotic politicians are complaining at their lack of opportunities to escape the country.
Conservative Politicians Jeremy Hunt,...
Daily Mail photo editor awarded the Iron Cross
The chief photo editor for The Daily Mail has been awarded the Iron Cross this afternoon.
A spokesman for The Daily Mail said, "This award...
I’ve already wrapped all my Christmas presents, say terrifying psychopaths
Terrifying psychopaths around the country have taken time out from planning murders and disembowelling their neighbour's pets to tell The Rochdale Herald that they...
Prince Philip deemed fit to work after ATOS work capability assessment
Prince Philip has today gone under the knife for surgery on his dodgy hip.
However 30 minutes later he was deemed fit to work in an...
G4S wins plum contract to monitor domestic waste disposal inside homes
David David MP, the Minister for Local Government was forced into the public gaze today to confirm that G4S has been awarded the coveted...
You can’t derail me, cackles lunatic on roof of burning runaway freight train
A woman sitting on the roof of a runaway train full of burning horseshit has said she is "proving the doubters wrong" after not...
Siberia braces itself for unseasonal British drizzle
Russian media is warning residents of Central Sibera that the usually frozen steppes will be be bit damper than Britain all week.
Prisoners in Siberian...
