Titanic

Nicky Morgan claims ‘Titanic captain should not be judged by his worst mistakes’

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Nicky Morgan yesterday made a conciliatory reference to fellow Tory leadership no-hoper Michael Gove's penchant for Charlie as a naive young 31 year old...
Theresa May

Trust me to deliver Brexit, says woman you wouldn’t trust to deliver a pizza

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"I'll deliver Brexit just like I deliver pizza." That's what Theresa May said and people have been queuing up to say that that's Brexit...
Arguing Old Women

Scone versus scone pronunciation debate hits 14th consecutive hour

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It's National Cream Tea Day, which means across the nation the fine china is taken off the Welsh dresser and selections of finger sandwiches...

Thousands Face Having to go to Work as RMT Calls for Driver Walk-In

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Hundreds of thousands of rail passengers face actually going to work as the RMT told Southern Rail employees to actually do their jobs. Staff will...

Arms manufacturers to commemorate the fallen dead

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Since 1919, on the second Sunday of November, otherwise known as Remembrance Sunday, a two minute silence has been observed at 11am at war...
Angry Man

Oxfam scandal proves we have moral high-ground say selfish, tight bastards

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Dreadful arseholes everywhere have applauded Oxfam staff for providing them with their latest bout of self-justification. Graham Ruddington, 47, who has both used and supplied...
Votey McVoteface

Esther McVey resigns to spend more time with other people’s families

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Esther McVey, a former television presenter and now a falling star in Westminster, relishes her career - but admits to no regrets in her...

Killer Ian Brady’s ashes shot into space, by most expensive means possible and paid...

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Reports have been across all of the mainstream press today regarding the Moors murderer, Ian Brady’s remains being buried at sea. A shock report...

Man still wearing shorts admits his legs are cold

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Tom Hodgkins of Heywood today admitted that wearing shorts in winter is a bad idea and his leg are cold. We caught up with Tom,...

Corbyn ‘sells out’ in Stoke

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Leader of the Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn (27), has finally sold out in Stoke. “Every single copy of my Big Issues has gone…”, said Corbyn....
Theresa May

Theresa May to meet Carwyn Jones to tell him to fuck off in person

Theresa May is set to meet Carwyn Jones, the First Minister of Wales to reassure him that the needs, plans, hopes and dreams of...
Sunbathing woman

Homeworkers warned to wear suncream as UK heatwave intensifies

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With expectations that this month's sweltering weather could become the norm a health strategy is urgently required to protect the thousands of people who...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling announces RAF to be replaced by the Russian Air Force

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Chris Grayling has announced that the Royal Air Force will be disbanded and its responsibilities outsourced to the Russian Air Force. Speaking from Ivan the...

No we don’t want to build a bloody snowman, confirm children

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Children around the UK have confirmed that they don't want to build another bloody snowman. With rain, sleet, snow and more bloody awful weather forecast...
Farm Animals

Animals vote that MPs can’t feel pain or emotion

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Following rejection by Parliament of the EU treaty to recognise animals as sentient beings, The Rochdale Herald has learned of a reaction by the...

Labour Party member forced to deny he’s joined a cult

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A Labour Party member who has attended their conference has been forced to deny he has joined a cult. Bill Board has spent the last...

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