Branson to be Stripped of Knighthood & Awarded “The Icepick of the People” in...

John McDonnell has branded British capitalist lapdog Sir Richard Branson an "enemy of the People" who "undermines Democracy & the Will of the People"...
Nana

What are your plans for Christmas, ask Mums who have already planned everybody’s Christmas

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A Rochdale Mum who has already meticulously planned her entire extended family’s Christmases has asked her children what they are planning to do on...
Royal Family

United Kingdom gobsmacked as child turns four

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It was announced yesterday, with the publication of an official photograph, that a child is turning four today. We spoke to anthropologist, Dr Kay Smallbones...
Viagra

Sale of over-counter Viagra faces stiff opposition

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The Women's Institute are lobbying  the Health Secretary demanding that Viagra only be available through prescription and after consultation with a Doctor. Recent changes bought...
Black Stig

Replacing Burqa with Stig costume fails due to ‘wrong colour Stig’

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As reported yesterday, Muslim women have been on the streets in an adapted version of the burka in an attempt to integrate with middle...
Lemmings jumpring from cliff

Lemming suicide myth rebunked

For many years the myth persisted that Lemmus lemmus, known to you and I as the lemming, would inexplicably hurl itself into the abyss...
Emergency Services

Office worker pops supressing huge fart during 5 hour meeting

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Tragedy struck a small IT company in Dorking yesterday after one of its office workers brave efforts to tame a particularly brutal build-up of...
Paul Nuttall

Paul Nuttall To Become Next Duke Of Edinburgh

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Paul Nuttall will be assuming the position of Duke of Edinburgh, following the retirement of Prince Philip, he has confirmed. “It’s the perfect job, really,”...

People confused over what Testing is for

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Journalists and other easily baffled people were today up in arms that a thing being tested didn't work as planned. Idiots the country over were...

Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech

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Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street...

UKIP call for Global Warming referendum

In what is seen as a bid to rescue UKIP from self-inflicted obsolescence, leadership hopeful and Anthony Head lookalike, Steven Woolfe has today called...
Nigel Farage

If it wasn’t for my £4m house and investment portfolio I’d be practically penniless,...

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Nigel Farage, the former leader of Ukip, has told The Rochdale Herald that if it wasn't for his £4M house, his £2.5M investment portfolio...

People who make flammable models to face higher standard of justice than people who...

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The people who burnt a model of the Grenfell tower on bonfire should face a much higher standard of justice than the people who...
Builder

Builder finishes job on time and under budget

A small building firm in Lancashire has become the first builder in the history of the industry to finish a job on time and...
shaking hands

DUP B.U.N.G. to be funded through NI contributions

British Unity Nationally Guaranteed Treasury Minister Terry Axe announced today that British Unity Nationally Guaranteed (aka B.U.N.G.) payments will start shortly as part of delivering...

Government announces Festival of Brexit will be held in derelict car manufacturing plants

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The Government has announced a new exciting celebration of Brexit. Speaking exclusively to The Rochdale Herald, Government insider Cliff Edge told us, "The festival will...

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