Mr Tumble denounces Theresa May and says not in our name.

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Leading clowns have issued a joint statement confirming that Theresa May's latest attacks on migrants and the NHS are not part of traditional clown...
Tim Farron

Tim Farron forced to hand over lunch money during visit to primary school

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Tim Farron has today visited a primary school in Bacup in an effort to convince voters that the Lib Dems absolutely, cross their hearts hope...

Queen’s Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu

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There are rumours today that the Queen's Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu. A furious Palace insider told us, "It's completely ridiculous. I've...

Prince Andrew to release sex tape

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Prince Andrew will release a sex tape in the cuming weeks in an effort to put to bed any rumours about his relationship with...

Tower Bridge To House Migrants 

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London readers will notice scaffolding appearing on the iconic Tower Bridge today (Saturday) as the bridge is now closed until December in order to...
Hurricane

God pisses himself laughing after sending hurricane named for Harvey Milk to wipe most...

34
God Almighty has reportedly pissed his pants laughing after sending a biblical flood to the most homophobic state in America in response to Donald...
Vegan woman

Bank of England to use vegan fat in new £20 notes

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Last year vegans and social justice warriors, fighting on behalf of un-offended Hindus and Sikhs, absolutely lost their shit because of the Bank of...

Britain is a sitting duck claims defence chief

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In the face of rumoured cuts to defence spending, Sir Nick Carter The Chief of the General Staff, today warned of Russia's 'eye-watering'...
Arron Banks

UKIP Historian reveals Russia didn’t invade Afghanistan and Hitler was misunderstood

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Acclaimed UKIP historian and shit stirrer extraordinaire, Arron Banks, took to Twitter yesterday to point out that "the Russians didn't invade Afghanistan." The historian and...
Teenage Pregnancy

Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19

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Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...

Cat who shit in litter tray lined with Daily Mail appointed editor

A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor...

To be fair I was pissed, says Nigel 2.0 candidate

Steven Woolfe, the chief xenophobe-in-waiting of totally unracist UKIP party has been caught out forgetting things. Again. After forgetting to apply for the candidacy he's standing...

Only Mandelson Eligible to Vote in Leadership Election after Mass Cull

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In an attempt to make the Labour leadership election more comradely and fairer, the Labour PLP has been trawling through the social media activities...

Bears cleared of ‘shitting in the woods’ says watchdog

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The independent Bear Complaints Commission has found that there is no evidence that bears are guilty of shitting in the woods. The misconduct watchdog,...

Clock in the car delighted to be right for next six months

The clock in the car is said to be absolutely over the moon that the clocks have gone forward or back again.

Chilcot recommends that Blair sit on ‘naughty step’ for Iraq war mistakes…

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Sir John Chilcot has come out with excoriating criticisms of former Prime Minister Tony Blair's attempt to mislead the public and MPs over the...

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