Houses of Parliament

Boost for NHS as Government pledges 50% of uncollected change from vending machines over...

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The NHS received a much needed boost today, after Number 10 kindly pledged to plough a sizeable portion of uncollected change from all Government...

British meteorologists blame wet August on an increase in cloud storage by Apple

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The weather scientist went on to predict industrialised nations have a maximum of one year before the amount of material stored in the cloud reaches a critical mass of never ending rain.

Jeremy Corbyn was a Sugababe – fresh allegations rock Westminster

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn was under fresh scrutiny today after it was alleged he was once the fourth member of noughties pop sensations 'Sugababes'. Speaking...

Rochdale Herald Reporter groomed in ‘Muslim No-Go Area’.

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Our South Yorkshire correspondent Sebastian Wiesel recounts his experience of yesterday morning. "I was walking round Sheffield antiques quarter this morning, looking for a place...

Corbyn’s cat is a Tory

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Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has confirmed his long held suspicions that his pet cat is a died in the wool, cast iron Tory. Corbyn...
Heart Attack

What do you mean bride’s father pays? Asks Meghan Markle’s father before heart attack

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It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters...
Bar Fight

Survey finds UK’s pub chat and sense of humour at risk of extinction

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Social scientists have revealed a study that shows a correlation between the decline in the British sense of humour and decline in pub chat. Dr...
Burkha

MP’s staff to wear burkas in effort to make them less alluring to MP’s

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MP's have demanded that a new dress code be brought in for their staff to make them less alluring sexually. It's hoped that the...

Hundreds arrested in dawn raids for not wearing a poppy

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More than 300 people have been arrested as part of an operation to prevent people who aren’t wearing a poppy to be seen in public today.

Blairite Entryism Not A Big Deal, Insist Blairites

It was revealed today that a Blairite peer, a hedge fund manager, several rich business types and a Liberal Democrat Lord were behind the...
Korean

South Koreans and Londoners in agreement that it’s “grim up north”

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South Koreans will similarly be asked to stand on the border with their own north and use megaphones to shout at their alienated relatives that they think they have it hard, they could try living in Rochdale.
Bank entrance

Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test

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Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually...

Climate Change still insisting Donald Trump is a Chinese Conspiracy

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Climate Change has today confirmed that it will continue on its promise to make the Weather Great Again despite the insistence from some it...

People with no connection to the USA celebrate Independence Day

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People with absolutely no connection to the United States of America have been inexplicably celebrating US Independence Day today. Cliff Edge told us, "I got...
Congratulations

Husband remembers to put recycling bin out on right day

In a stunning feat of memory and dazzling competence a husband from Rochdale has managed to put the right bin out on the right...

Vegans & Fruitarians to settle differences with pissing contest in Co-op car park

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Long held tensions between Orthodox Vegans & followers of it's subsidiary Fruitarianism about which is the most ethical way of life finally came to...

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