Private rail company owner and Blairite totally unbiased about Traingate

Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson said today that claims that he has it in for rail nationalisation enthusiast Jeremy Corbyn are unfounded. The gazillionaire, famous...

Woman doesn’t dick about with thermostat

A woman from Rochdale has taken the extraordinary decision to not dick about with the central heating thermostat. Barbara Dickinson responded to the fact that...

Chaos at Speakers’ Corner after steaming pile of dog excrement is mistaken for Tommy...

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There were scenes of chaos at Speakers' Corner earlier today after a steaming pile of dog shit was apparently mistaken for EDL-founder Tommy Robinson.  It is understood that the moldering heap of crap, which...

Unemployed layabout doesn’t want £350m a year job shaking hands and waving

27
The people of the United Kingdom were reassured this morning by Prince Harry's statement that he does not want to be king and will...
Cross Eyed Man

The light shines out of my arse, says man who got toothpaste and Anusol...

8
Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and...
Haggis

Haggis ‘just a joke we play on the English’ admits Scotland

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With Burns Night suppers planned across Scotland tonight, people are gearing up for the annual celebration of everything it means to be Scottish: fine...

Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

1
The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has...

Killer Ian Brady’s ashes shot into space, by most expensive means possible and paid...

0
Reports have been across all of the mainstream press today regarding the Moors murderer, Ian Brady’s remains being buried at sea. A shock report...

American tourists Popeye cockup

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A group of American tourists are threatening to sue a Birmingham hotel , after claiming that the owners have exposed them to humiliation and...

Michael Gove themed garden gnomes to be stocked by Homebase

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Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of...
Begging

Beggars fined for begging to pay begging fines

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Vulnerable homeless people are now being forced into longer begging hours to pay the newly introduced fines for begging. In another PR triumph for...

Nuttall Lost Close Personal Friends When They Discovered He Was An Arsehole

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UKIP leader Paul Nuttall lost 'close personal friends' when they discovered he was a bigoted, racist arsehole. “People started to shun me and sometimes even...

Church still rich, poor still poor

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Churches like those associated with Christians and Catholics are still really bloody wealthy a recent survey has shown. The news will come as no surprise...

Shake ‘n’ Vac composer to have ashes scattered on carpet and hoovered up by...

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Following reports that the composer of the 1980's Shake 'n' Vac advertising jingle has died, a source close to his family has confirmed that...
Blizzard

Rest of world ceases activity so BBC can cover snow

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As Britain is experiencing the worst snow since last time,the rest of the world has decided to cease all activities and events to let...
Prince Harry begging

Prince Harry arrested in Windsor for aggressive begging to pay for wedding

Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police...

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