Angry Man Christmas

Man adamant he wanted nowt for Christmas now angry and petulant he got what...

0
An angry Rochdale man who swore to friends and relatives he wanted nothing except "maybe a skip" for all the stuff he already owns...
Die Hard 2

Gatwick drone operators arrested after shootout at abandoned church and ski-doo chase across frozen...

0
A team of former special-forces mercenaries have been arrested in connection with the criminal use of drones which has caused the widespread disruption to...
Irn Bru

Street prices hits £2 a hit in Glasgow as addicts stockpile Irn Bru

0
Street pushers in Glasgow have been demanding up to £2 for a hit of Irn Bru as addicts have started stockpiling ahead of a...
Sunshine

Town centres full of fat topless pricks for some reason

0
Town centres are chock full of topless, pasty white fat pricks for some reason according to sources. For some reason thousands upon thousands of fat...
Alan Rickman

There’s nothing more Christmassy than seeing German Terrorist fall out of window, confirm men

Men around the world have confirmed that it's not Christmas until they have seen either a German terrorist or a half naked prostitute fall...
Cat

I’m unlikely to put up with your shit much longer, cat tells owner after...

0
A 4 year old black and white cat from Twickenham has told its owner Steve that "It's pretty fucking unlikely that I will be...
Lazy Cat

Catlike powers wasted on cats

According to research at the institute of institutes catlike powers are absolutely wasted on cats. Researchers have discovered that despite having incredible superpower like abilities...
Vauxhall

Man in spoiler covered Vauxhall Zafira admits life hasn’t turned out as hoped

0
Warning: This article contains spoilers. Henry Profiterole, 35, was recently forced to admit that he had covered his 10 year old Vauxhall Zafira with slogans...
Sajid Javid

Sajid Javid accidentally deports himself to Pakistan

0
Sajid Javid has accidentally deported himself to Pakistan. A Home Office spokesman said, "Mr Javid has said that a hard Brexit is a good thing...

Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

1
The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has...
Builder

Builder who did the quote for Buckingham Palace sucked air through his teeth first

0
After a quick survey of Buckingham Palace on Thursday, 38 year old builder, Barry Burford reportedly said; "Well, there's the pointing, supplies, man hours, that...

May sets UK up for long March to Brexit

0
Theresa May’s Conservative government have quite literally meddled with time in their pursuit of successfully completing Brexit according to their timetable. The Conservative party used their parliamentary...

Put a bloody jumper on if you’re cold we’re not made of money, Philip...

16
“Put a jumper on and stop fiddling with the blasted thermostat, I just got it right. If you’re that blinking cold go and walk some of those wretched dogs you insist on keeping. And I’m not talking about the Fergie's sprogs!”
Depressed business man at his desk

Satirists across the globe have a day off due to lack of news

0
The Daily Mash, NewsThump, SNN and The Poke all refused to post content today as world events seemed to have ground a to halt. "A...

Government launches electric car scrappage scheme to combat CO2 shortage

0
In a move that characterises the Government's inability to understand science it has been announced that they will launch an electric car scrappage scheme...
Nuclear explosion

A year in review because I don’t know if we’ll still be here in...

0
If there is a god then 2016 is his version of an April fools day prank. Long gone are the days of plagues of...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts