Queen and Duke

Queen undergoes Duke of Edinburgh replacement operation

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The Queen has undergone a successful operation to have the Duke of Edinburgh replaced. Doctors at King Charle's hospital in London said the operation had...

May Presented With Mirror After Body Shaming Corbyn

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Know Thyself, a charity dedicated to helping older people come to terms with physical changes, is to present Theresa May with a full length...

Sun exposes Cable as Strawberry fool

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Liberal democrat leadership candidate "SIR" Vince Cable has been left looking a plum strawberry fool after his claim that Britain was running out of...

Your Mum has a dildo

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Children all over the country are coming to terms with the horrifying reality that their Mums have at least one dildo.
Lucky Childless Bastards

Lucky childless bastards book affordable holiday

A pair of lucky childless bastards have managed to book an off-season five star holiday to an empty resort at a cost of almost...
Queen and Philip

Queen to redo speech after forgetting to say ‘strong and stable’

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In an unprecedented move Theresa May is to inform Queen Elizabeth that she will need to redo today's Queen's Speech in Parliament because she...

Rochdale Herald exclusive – Prince Andrew tells us about Princess Beatrice’s wedding

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In a Rochdale Herald exclusive Prince Andrew tells us how the secret wedding of his daughter Beatrice went last week. 7am - Woken up by...

Life is meaningless and everything dies, concludes child on ‘day out’ to historic town

A child from Rochdale has concluded that life is meaningless and that everything dies during a visit to York with his parents during the...

I’ll poo wherever I like, says baby

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6 month old Tommy Leadbetter from Romford has spoken exclusively to The Rochdale Herald about how he manages his toilet regime. "First I was...

Office tea expert ‘just sad’ reveals study

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  It was confirmed today that people who make a song and dance about brewing and drinking tea are among the saddest characters in any...
Car parked over two spaces

Sexism Claim Over Parking Abuse

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A driver has defended parking his car across two spaces in a supermarket car park saying "no one would have batted an eyelid if...

Prince Harry gets job as Prince Harry look-alike

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Prince Harry has a new job as a Prince Harry look-alike in Canada. His new boss told us, "There's a lot of attention on Prince...
HMS Queen Elizabeth

Three billion seems reasonable for boat with hole in it, says Government responsible for...

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The people responsible for negotiating the UK's exit from the European Union have confirmed that three billion pounds is a completely reasonable sum of...
Happy Children

Parents of school age children feeling no sympathy for teachers as holidays end

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Scientists have confirmed that parents of school age children across the United Kingdom feel zero sympathy for teachers as summer holidays crash to an...
Geese

New £50 note to be made of foie gras

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In a surprise move, it was revealed today that the new £50 note is to be made of foie gras. The announcement comes as...

Turkey escapes Christmas by identifying as a golden eagle.

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A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin...

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