Labour forced to suspend MP Jared O’Mara after it was revealed he considers Jaffa...

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Sheffield MP Jared O’Mara has found himself in extremely hot water today as fresh evidence of controversial views and opinions have been found on...

Cost of posting a letter first class rises to both legs below the knee

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The rises in the cost of posting your mum's birthday card using The Royal Mail have now come into effect. A first-class stamp will now...

Sick Home Sec sacked?

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Home Sec Diane Abbott has been off sick since cancelling her appearance on Woman's Hour yesterday but has she been sacked? Jeremy Corbyn was giving...

Prince Andrew self isolating in Windsor with Olivia-16

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Following the news that Prince Charles has contracted Covid-19, The Rochdale Herald has learned that Prince Andrew is self isolating at his home in...

Brexiteers Celebrate Scrapping of Human Rights Act

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Today The Justice Secretary announced the scrapping of The Human Rights Act as outlined in the Tory Manifesto to a room full of Sith...

Citizen’s arrest powers updated to include summary execution

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Put your hands on the car and get ready to die. Home Secretary Amber Rudd confirmed today that the Police and Criminal Evidence Act (PACE)...
Putin White Denim

Fifa officials turn down Putin’s offer of dinner in Zizzi’s following World Cup opening...

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  Fifa officials last night refused to comment on rumours that they all turned down Vladimir Putin's offer of an all-expenses paid trip to Zizzi's...
snowstorm

Amber Weather Warning follow reports Northerner is thinking about getting big coat out of...

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The Met Office has issued an amber warning for apocalyptic snow and ice overnight after a Northerner was overheard speculating that it might be...
Demolition

Council demolish victim’s home to erect memorial garden for dead burglar

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In a surprise move today London councillors have confirmed plans to demolish the home of 78 year old Mr Osborn-Brooks and in its place...
Theresa May

Theresa May to change name to Votey McVoteface to secure youth vote

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Prime Minister Theresa May will change her name to Votey McVoteface ahead of this Thursday's general election. With the election a matter of hours away...
Glass of orange juice

The man from Del Monte in critical condition with scurvy

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80's TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and  immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused...

Doing Right Thing Would Set Dangerous Precedent, Says Prime Minister

Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she won't intervene in David Cameron's scheme to reward all his mates with Honours. "Listen here," said an...

Nurses and Firemen organise whip-round to help pensioner do up her house

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Well off government workers including nurses, firemen and the police are banding together to help impoverished pensioner, Liz, 91, from Windsor. 'We heard about the...

Stonewall acknowledge calls for heterosexual pride day with “Float of Closets”

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Breakthrough for influential alt-gay movement as the legendary Ruth Hunt, CEO of Stonewall, personally announced the plan to address the concerns that alt-gays were...

Man that spent last month saying all lives matter furious at 3 million Hong...

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A Rochdale man that has just spent a month telling anyone within earshot or on the internet that all lives matter has said he's...

Tate & Lyle sponsor cabinet meetings

After what critics are calling a feeble effort to tackle childhood obesity the government is now in hot water again as it transpired that...

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