Dreadful arseholes everywhere have applauded Oxfam staff for providing them with their latest bout of self-justification.
Graham Ruddington, 47, who has both used and supplied prostitutes during the course of his career as a City broker, explained “the difference, you see, is that’s a normal part of doing business in the City. A bag of snow and a helicopter full of brasses for a trip out to Ascot is a legitimate inducement to trade. It’s not like I’m out there telling everyone I’m a do-gooder. Charity can do one.”
Meanwhile, in Surrey, Petra Workington-Shy, 32, explained that everyone at Mummy and Baby Yoga Guildford agreed with her that “Charity begins at home. So these Africans really should be looking after themselves. Do you realise just how many primary school children in the UK do not have access to yoga?”
Her life partner Simon Smuggington-Twat, 38 added “I have raised tens of thousands of pounds over the years through my love of marathon running, so naturally I react with incredulity whenever anyone suggests I should donate my own money. And frankly, if I was to buy cocaine, I earned my money, nobody gave it to me. Well, I inherited it, but same same.”
Some UKIP weapons grade fanny that I couldn’t be bothered to invent a name for given what a desperately irrelevant organisation they are said “Charity is a mug’s game, especially when it’s going on blacks. But the real scandal is foreign aid. The tiny proportion of our GDP spent on bribing shithole countries to buy armaments from us is really unnecessary, they’ll buy our guns anyway.”
Derek Graves, 52, Momentum Rochdale Youth Coordinator, said this scandal could never have happened under Corbyn. He and several other self-appointed white saviours will be singing Do They Know It’s Christmas outside Rochdale Oxfam in support this Friday lunchtime.
At the time of going to press, charities remained deeply flawed and full of egotistical bellends, making poor life choices. Like everywhere else.
