Rumours are rife today that the comical floppy haired Brexit buffoon Boris Johnson may have popped his clogs. It’s been weeks now since he has been seen either knocking a defenceless child to the floor, zip-wiring dressed as a clown, cycling his bike with his helmet at a jaunty angle or calling an overseas country a bunch of fuzzywuzzies. 

If you or anyone you know has seen Boris please could you contact either the Conservative party HQ or his Dad. Leave us a comment below with where and what he was up too when you saw him.

Illiterate writer of nonsense. Great at headlines but tail off during the story ;-) Available for weddings funerals and kids parties. Never lie, or do I? Married to a retired supermodel come part time donkey racer. Will work for beer and crisps.