Denise Dufite of Middleton has captured the spirit of Christmas by ignoring the twelfth phone call of the day.

Instead of answering calls from no less than nine different individuals, Denise has instead eaten an entire box of Ferrero Rocher and watched seven straight hours of The Big Bang Theory on Netflix.

“With Christmas only a few days away and a slowing workload, my line manager allowed me to work from home. I was supposed to be handling enquiries via email and phone, but I decided to take a quick break and watch an episode of the new season of Big Bang; that was seven hours ago. I can hear the phone buzzing, but I’ll be damned if I’m climbing out of this blanket cocoon to walk the 3 metres to answer it.”

Regarding the binge eating Denise said
“I’ve been doing so well avoiding mince pies and cakes my colleagues have brought into work all week. The Ferrero Rocher was meant for Christmas day, but thirty minutes after sitting down I utterly lost control of myself, I’ve had the Rocher, one of the kid’s selection boxes, a packet of pretzels and a bottle of Prosecco.”

We asked Denise whether she thought this was an acceptable way to spend her day, considering her work responsibilities.

Her reply was “Bollocks to it, it’s Christmas.”

Thomas Abbott of Norden, Denise’s manager has also opted to work from home today and has captured the spirit of Christmas in his own way; by shirking his work responsibilities in favour of indulging in festive themed pornographic videos.

Thomas was unavailable for comment due to being on his forth wank of the afternoon.

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.