The latest Etonian voice of the people, Jacob Rees-Mogg, is convinced that his Catholicism gives him the the edge on some woman

Jacob Rees-Mogg, who has three times as many children as surnames, has positioned himself as a Brexit missionary.  “My knowledge of how to successfully achieve withdrawal is better than any woman.  It’s my natural rhythm.”

“Rather coarse individuals have suggested we are in the process of,” he paused to use his fingers as inverted commas, “‘having it off’ with the country.  But if we are, then it is important not to listen to women’s needs.”

“So what if taking appropriate protections would make it safer for everyone involved?  What I want is far more important, my pleasure is far more important than hers.  And of course, history will lay the consequences at her door in Downing Street.”

As repulsive as the London metropolitan elite may find the position of the oddball, it’s surprisingly successful.  Rees-Mogg, who is younger than Kylie Minogue, could have the energy to sway a nation.

Not England of course, but Ireland.  As testing as the Irish border question is, his patronising disregard for women’s rights in favour of men’s Church-sanctioned pleasure, could be the one issue that unites culchies North and South of the border.  

The same blind faith that is required to believe in transubstantiation will also carry the day on Brexit.  Just shut your eyes, open your mouth, and the Priest will be right with you.

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Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?