National News

The hotly anticipated government White Paper on Brexit was released this week to an explosion of love juice from the editors of the Mail and Express, and much derision from everyone else. Here at the...

The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and will become the next UK prime minister. Divisive lying shitweasel and...

GMP Saddleworth were last night were conducting a full manhunt, as the spate of gender neutral snow beings being cruelly desecrated with a carrot penis and coal testies continues unabated. Helicopters were recalled from a...

A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's 'The Stig.' The aim of the trial is to make both...

Waiting for hours for the hope of a seat, crushed up against other in the park, or crouched uncomfortably in the queues is an all-too-common experience for many Theme Park go-ers. But you can...

Today sees the probable introduction of the new “Walter Mitty” law, which will make it a criminal offence for any individual to pretend to be a military veteran by wearing medals they have not...

A poor deluded fool from Rochdale has convinced himself that he and his long term partner are getting a puppy instead of a baby. Steve Dickinson from Rochdale is said to be extremely excited at...

A dog has told of his love of the 5th of November festivities, or "cower under the toilet night" as it's known in the canine world. The Yorkie/Maltese cross called, appropriately, Shakey told The Rochdale...

The old adage has it that we're never more than six feet away from a Conservative Party leadership candidate? It's a saying that seems almost deliberately contrived to get a reaction, but isn't exactly clear...

The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has been described as a "monster fatberg" has been spotted in...

The Tower of London was last night illuminated by the light of 10,000 small fires as Aaron Banks and officials from Leave.EU burnt loads of documents. One onlooker, Bill Board said, "At first we thought...

The Daily Mash, NewsThump, SNN and The Poke all refused to post content today as world events seemed to have ground a to halt. "A global deal was struck on harmful fridge gasses for Christ's...

The new Brexit Secretary, Jeremy Rees-Gove has told hard-line Brexiteers to downplay their expectations. "It's become clear that writing something on the side of a bus is no guarantee of achieving it, as we had...

Everyone in the world looked at each other and asked "what the hell" yesterday after the temerity of a former political leader's comments on Brexit displayed a stunning lack of self awareness. National Grid confirmed...

Disgraced labour MP, serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk accused the former Business Secretary Sir Vince Cable of being "old hat" on Twitter this morning. Sir Cable, who wasn't suspended from his party...

Tube Chat Badges given out to travellers on the London Underground to encourage people to talk more are said to be a surprising success, according to some reports today. The badges, which are not supplied...