UKIP have launched an immediate inquiry into how 3 of its members managed to read a map and several signs to find a book shop in London.

UKIP spokesman Cliff Edge said, “At first we thought there must be some mistake. We thought that they might have thought that the book shop was in fact a Wetherspoons or something. But then we saw the video footage and it was clear that they definitely knew where they were and what they were doing. I’m horrified frankly. We have stringent vetting procedures that aim to keep these sort of people out of the party.”

Edge was talking after 3 of UKIP’s members were filmed in London socialist bookshop, Bookmarx, attempting to find the children’s colouring section. One customer, who was in Bookmarx at the time told us, “This just goes to show that the right hate books because of the radical ideas they contain. Ideas like the one that Jeremy Corby is a capable politician and leader of the opposition.”

This week’s UKIP leader, Bill Board said, “This is embarrassing. When I said I wanted to take the party back to basics I meant making loads of promises to the electorate that we wouldn’t keep and rampant demagoguery. I didn’t mean back to the basics of burning books that is in far right 101. They’ll be wanting Kristallnacht next.”

“We definitely need stronger vetting procedures. All the members need to be able to say is that Nigel Farage is the best Prime Minister this country never had and blame everything on the EU. Come to think of it, what proof do I have that those 3 protesters weren’t actually Angela Merkel in disguise? Nobody has seen her for weeks. Odd that isn’t it?”

 

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.