National News

At 01:00 on Tuesday 3rd January, Britain's worst quake for 25 years hit Scarborough, Yorkshire measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale and causing untold disruption and distress.  The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30...

The annual Orange walk of Belfast's protestant population is to take place this weekend and is expected to reveal itself now as a 24K gold walk. Orange walks take place throughout the year but the...

With temperatures plummeting across the British Isles, many patriotic politicians are complaining at their lack of opportunities to escape the country. Conservative Politicians Jeremy Hunt, Liam Fox, Michael Gove, and David Davis were spotted walking...

Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet of snow and all services breaking down. Despite having 4...

Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist. Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of my porcine pals have died to give you a tasty...

The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from King Edward VIIII's hospital in Battersea. The Duke is rumoured to...

David David MP, the Minister for Local Government was forced into the public gaze today to confirm that G4S has been awarded the coveted contract to monitor domestic waste disposal inside peoples' homes. The groundbreaking...

Manufacturers of gigantic cardboard rockets and inflatable tanks have reported record profits for April following Kim Jong Un's massive display of military force. "It's been an amazing quarter to be honest," Chinese factory owner Sum...

Mcvities and Walkers crisps have allegedly got behind a backbench revolt to decriminalise cannabis. Plans are already being made to reclassify cannabis from a class B drug to a totally legal drug. A McVitie's spokesman,...

Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way for a place of worship for Salisbury Plain's burgeoning Muslim...

Paul Nuttall O.B.E is reluctant to talk about Fight Club, the global phenomenon he founded in 1996. “Chuck and me, we don't talk about it." He replied when our entertainment correspondent spoke to Paul earlier this week. The...

Millions of Microsoft outlook users are about to receive an unexpected update in their calendars. The Rochdale Herald has just received an email from an anonymous address which  but it appears to have been sent...

Home Secretary Amber Rudd has announced that envelopes will be banned from the end of the month. The Home Office has also announced that all letters will have to go through a GCHQ censor, re-education...

Serial unproveable and unsubstantiated claim maker Anthony Gilberthorpe, 54, has come to the defence of serial gropist Donald Trump.

The Duke of Edinburgh’s retirement is entirely down to one thing, it would seem. Speculation has been rife ever since the announcement, but now it turns out it’s all about hats. Despite being the...

Unconfirmed reports are coming in from Rochdale that a three year old child sat still in contemplative silence for five whole minutes last Tuesday afternoon. Gemima Atkinson, 3 and a bit, was at home...