National News

A small building firm in Lancashire has become the first builder in the history of the industry to finish a job on time and under budget. Local builder Bob, who is known to his friends...

International high IQ club Mensa has announced plans to scrap their famously difficult entrance exam, and replace it with a quest to negotiate Apple's music management software iTunes. Potential applicants to the club, whose membership makes...

Arron Banks has taken a day off from calling for Britain to leave the EU so it can be free from the interference of EU laws to demand the police enforce EU laws. Banks, whose...

Last week there was a rather big election in the USA. The supporters of the losing candidate have spent every waking moment since, it seems, trying to find anybody to blame for the victory...

Her Majesty the Queen has today told the government "Let's get this over with. I've got a horse in the 3pm at Ascot". Her worshipfulness is reported to be annoyed for several reasons about todays...

If there is a god then 2016 is his version of an April fools day prank. Long gone are the days of plagues of locusts and floods, he's bored of that and now so...

Lancashire Fire Brigade have announced they're considering using the tears of remainers to put out the flames on the top of Saddleworth Moor. Fire Officer Asif Hose told us, "The fires have been blazing for...

Britain has revealed it is spoiled for choice on which incompetent aresehole it has leading it. A spokesman told us, "Everyone is cheering at the prospect of a fresh Prime Minister with new ideas to...

Dreadful arseholes everywhere have applauded Oxfam staff for providing them with their latest bout of self-justification. Graham Ruddington, 47, who has both used and supplied prostitutes during the course of his career as a City...

Brexiters across the land are jubilantly crying "We told you so!" after GlaxoSmithKline, a UK company, based in the UK, that wanted the UK to stay in the EU admitted that despite never saying...

Middle class mums all over the Home Counties are being credited with a reversal to the effects of Global Warming after tens of thousands of them drove enormous Range Rovers to their local Waitrose...

Acclaimed UKIP historian and shit stirrer extraordinaire, Arron Banks, took to Twitter yesterday to point out that "the Russians didn't invade Afghanistan." The historian and multi-millionaire, who moonlights as the sponsor in chief for the...

About 60,000 people came out in Hull to watch a Burger Eating Contest & Arm Wrestling show to mark the start of the city's year as UK Capital of Culture. Organisers of the event think...

In a surprise move today London councillors have confirmed plans to demolish the home of 78 year old Mr Osborn-Brooks and in its place start construction of a memorial garden to the dead burglar,...

The people of Tyneside reacted defiantly to the latest so-called Islamic State threat and vowed to defeat radicalisation in all its forms, particularly weather manipulation. Following a recent Daily Express article, in which the reporter...

A patio chair in Milnrow is bracing himself for an absolutely terrible few days after news that yet another storm with high winds is brewing. The white plastic chair, part of a set of four...