Rumours are circulating of a culture of abuse at the MOD, which spilled over in a final steaming argument between the fat controller and Thomas the Trident Engine.

Said one source we contacted who worked with the Fat Controller;

“Ever since that tragic accident with Thomas the Tank engine, Fat Controller had been trying to replace him. He flirted with Nimrod, the aeronautical high altitude military missile surveillance plane but Nimrod ran off with a Russian Tupolev Tu-95 bomber plane.

“Thomas the Trident seemed to fill that gap, but he found a pic of Thomas the Tank Engine in the controller’s wallet last year. He confronted him with it and there was a blazing row. Fat Controller took to gin after that and, on the night of the near end of the world, several bottles were found in his office drawer.

“Thomas Trident decided he had to leave for good and just steamed off to the US for a new life.”

Unfortunately for the Trident, but fortunately for us, his shell-casing was found drowned in the Atlantic. The Fat Controller has been detained for questioning for drinking on duty and further questioning over the incident.

We will get more news to you as the affair unfolds.