Rochdale voted town most likely to turn to cannibalism first in post Brexit food...
Success came to Rochdale today as Britain voted and decided that Rochdale was the town most likely to first turn to cannibalism in the post Brexit food riots expected in mid 2019.
The Rochdale Herald...
McVities recall 100,000 packets of Hobnobs after putting chocolate on wrong side
Biscuit giant McVities have issued an urgent product recall of their chocolate hobnob range, after it was found that a recent batch of the chocolate-dipped biscuits had the chocolate on the wrong side.
Company spokesman...
Fears for local man missing in Ikea
Fears were increasing today for an intrepid, brave, noble man who has been missing in Ikea for 14 days.
Steve Dickinson from Dukinfield was last seen descending the escalator at Ashton-Under-Lyne Ikea a...
Northerners scared by red moon consult wise woman and prepare sacrifices
Looking outside last night millions of British citizens were confronted by the moon appearing enlarged and glowing a curious red.
Whilst most people south of Chester remarked on its unusual appearance and took photos for...
To a POTUS – a poem by Rabbi Burns
To a POTUS
Yon tangerine faced Yankee prick,
that makes the people aw feel sick,
who has a little tiny dick
and a big red button
He's welcome not on Scotland's shores
and if he dare to knock our doors
we'll...
Conspiracy theorists conflicted as scientists announce mask wearing protects from 5G
Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G.
Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, " Recent research suggests that people wearing masks don't...
Dreadlocked protestor’s skin’s sensitivity to climate change successfully protects her from death in custody
Extinction Rebellion activist deliberately intended to get herself arrested, safely
With parts of the nation's capital experiencing air almost as clean as Rochdale's, we caught up with serial protestor Tamara Perry on her latest arrest:
"Well,...
Turkey escapes Christmas by identifying as a golden eagle.
A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey.
"Once I found a tin of gold spray paint round the back of the shed,...
Prime Minister to help poor by donating fox meat to food banks
Theresa May has today unveiled plans to improve the diet of malnourished children in areas with high levels poverty.
"This is a great policy that kills two pheasants with one load of buckshot" said the Prime Minister.
"With...
Tony the Tiger loses paw to Type 2 diabetes
Tony the Tiger, the face of the Frosties breakfast cereal brand since 1952, has according to sources, lost a paw to Type 2 diabetes.
Mr The Tiger has apparently been suffering from Type 2 diabetes...
Polite man starves to death whilst holding door open for ungrateful strangers
A polite man has starved to death in full view of the public while holding a door open for ungrateful strangers at the John Lewis Partnership flagship Rochdale department store.
Barry McIntlock of Milnrow, a...
Helen Mirren to impersonate the Queen during Trump state visit
The Rochdale Herald understands that award winning actress Helen Mirren will impersonate the Queen should President Trump's proposed state visit to the UK go ahead.
A senior Buckingham Palace source revealed the decision came after...
Pope to make Roger Moore a saint…
In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today.
The Pope was a keen fan of the 1960s TV show and had...
Sadiq Khan cracks down on junk food ads as thinner children harder to stab
Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London.
Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. The Mayor said "Almost 40 per...
Piers Morgan leads star studded sing along to F**k Tha Police
Piers Morgan shared a video on Tuesday night showing him and other self-quarantined celebrities singing NWA's "Fuck Tha Police"
"Hi guys. Day who knows what in self-quarantine. Barely know who I am any more. My...
Bloke from the Student Loans Company still thinks they’re getting their money back
A delusional representative of the Student Loans Company has said that he is still optimistic that they might get some of the money back that they lent to students.
Graham Barnsley, a manager at the...
