National News

There were ugly scenes this morning after a motorist lost his temper having been stuck on a motorway in a major tailback for 15 hours despite numerous warnings not to travel. Cars and lorries...

The old adage has it that we're never more than six feet away from a Conservative Party leadership candidate? It's a saying that seems almost deliberately contrived to get a reaction, but isn't exactly clear...

There was massive relief for the owner of a constipated dog today, as their long search for the perfect dumping spot finally ended in the nation's capital. The owners of Bertie the Boxer were...

Success came to Rochdale today as Britain voted and decided that Rochdale was the town most likely to first turn to cannibalism in the post Brexit food riots expected in mid 2019. The Rochdale Herald...

Reports are reaching us of shortages of some unexpected commodities in rural Scotland. This follows human slug, Rod Liddle's advice in Der Spectator that people should self isolate there and subsequently referred to an SNP...

Fears were increasing today for an intrepid, brave, noble man who has been missing in Ikea for 14 days. Steve Dickinson from Dukinfield was last seen descending the escalator at Ashton-Under-Lyne Ikea a...

Tony the Tiger, the face of the Frosties breakfast cereal brand since 1952, has according to sources, lost a paw to Type 2 diabetes. Mr The Tiger has apparently been suffering from Type 2 diabetes...

A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey. "Once I found a tin of gold spray paint round the back of the shed,...

To a POTUS Yon tangerine faced Yankee prick, that makes the people aw feel sick, who has a little tiny dick and a big red button He's welcome not on Scotland's shores and if he dare to knock our doors we'll...

Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G. Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, " Recent research suggests that people wearing masks don't...

A polite man has starved to death in full view of the public while holding a door open for ungrateful strangers at the John Lewis Partnership flagship Rochdale department store. Barry McIntlock of Milnrow, a...

Extinction Rebellion activist deliberately intended to get herself arrested, safely With parts of the nation's capital experiencing air almost as clean as Rochdale's, we caught up with serial protestor Tamara Perry on her latest arrest: "Well,...

An SNP insider has revealed that Nicola Sturgeon's repeated use of the phrase 'Will of the Scottish People' is actually a reference to her long-term imaginary friend and not the democratic wishes of the...

Theresa May has today unveiled plans to improve the diet of malnourished children in areas with high levels poverty. "This is a great policy that kills two pheasants with one load of buckshot" said the Prime Minister. "With...

Police have released details of a massively successful anti-drugs operation conducted with the help of Shaun Ryder and Bez. As the son of a police Detective Inspector, Bez feels very strongly about the fight...

The Rochdale Herald understands that award winning actress Helen Mirren will impersonate the Queen should President Trump's proposed state visit to the UK go ahead. A senior Buckingham Palace source revealed the decision came after...