A polite man has starved to death in full view of the public while holding a door open for ungrateful strangers at the John Lewis Partnership flagship Rochdale department store.
Barry McIntlock of Milnrow, a very polite, quiet and courteous man by all accounts, finally succumbed to a mixture of exhaustion, exposure and hunger after accidentally holding the door open to John Lewis on Rochdale’s high street.
“I think he was there for three weeks just holding the door open and nodding at people as they pushed past each other to buy tat in the department store.” Graham Burberry, a witness, told The Rochdale Herald.
“You know how it goes. Some young lady is struggling with a push chair, you hold the door open for her and then you kind of get stuck holding it while people walk past you without saying thank you.”
“Barry was just unlucky that the weather turned for the worse last week. He’d lost quite a lot of weight the last time I saw him. If he could have held on another six weeks he could have let go of the door because John Lewis shuts on Christmas Day.”
Coroners at the scene have confirmed that Barry had gone three weeks without making eye contact with a single John Lewis shopper.
“We urge all members of the public to acknowledge people who are holding doors open for them. You don’t know how long they’ve been there. Be very careful about offering to take over from them because if you aren’t properly dressed you could get hypothermia.”
“We suggest that if you are going to hold open doors for ungrateful fuckers that you pack sufficient food and water, take shelter with you and make sure you have emergency flares so you can make yourself known to rescue services.”
Barry leaves several cats and a collection of mint condition Warhammer figurines.