The Rochdale Herald understands that award winning actress Helen Mirren will impersonate the Queen should President Trump’s proposed state visit to the UK go ahead.
A senior Buckingham Palace source revealed the decision came after The Queen refused to meet the American President, who she described as ‘uncouth’, ‘disreputable’ and ‘an utter wank stain’. She later told the Prime Minister that ‘if he comes within 50 metres of me I’ll set the corgis on him’ before adding ‘I’ve killed before – don’t think I won’t do it again’.
In response the Government has reportedly persuaded Helen Mirren, who played Her Majesty in the 2006 movie ‘The Queen’, to reprise the role for President Trump’s visit. We understand Helen Mirren was initially reluctant to take the role, but eventually accepted it is her ‘patriotic duty’ to assist. However she has made it absolutely clear that if he tries to ‘grab me by the p***y’ the deals off, or at the very least she will expect an additional £50. Furthermore, her agent has requested that the Duke of Edinburgh remains at least thirty feet away from her at all times.
The Government were initially also planning to replace Prince Philip with an actor, and were purportedly hoping to hire Matt Smith, who played the role in the recent Netflix production ‘The Crown’.
However this has proven unnecessary as His Royal Highness is reportedly very keen to meet Trump to compare ethnic slurs, and is convinced he will get on ‘like a house on fire’ with the American President.