Rock Paper Scissors

Trump and Putin fail to beat each other in two hour long rock, paper,...

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Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin met face to face for the first time in public yesterday and went for each other in a rock, paper, scissor handshake test. The world’s media were watching and...

All Homosexuals should be stoned, says Mike Pence

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Vice President of the US, Mike Pence, has finally come out - with a statement that may shock many Republicans. President Trump joked a year ago, when referring to his deputy's stance on homosexuality, that...

We did have a Kermit at protest insist violent alt-left anti-Nazi protestors

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The anti-Nazi protestors who were in Charlottesville over the weekend have responded furiously to Donald Trump's remarks this morning releasing a statement which read. "We definitely had a Kermit at the protest. He was front...

Trump hails record amount of pussy to grab in the House of Representatives

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Donald Trump has spoken of how great it is that there's now so much pussy to grab when he next visits the House of Representatives. Tweeting, POTATUS said, "Is it any coincidence that under this...
Doctors

Donald Trump Is Disappearing Up His Own Arse

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American scientists confirmed last night that US President, Donald Trump, is close to completely disappearing up his own arse. Professor Steven Sigmoid of the US Institute for Sphincteral Studies told The Rochdale...
Trump Golf

Scientists confirm Donald Trump’s ego and waistline are inflating at an alarming rate

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Scientists have today confirmed that, President of the United States, Donald Trump is inflating at an alarming rate. On his Inauguration Day on 20th January 2017 Trump’s circumference was approximately 50 inches. Last night...

Turning Trump off and on again doesn’t seem to have done any good

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The White House Head of IT has expressed his heightened concern that the Presidency could be heading for a critical outage. Head of IT Maurice Moss explained his concern today that White House bandwidth has...
Man holding a gun

Mass shootings ‘fact of life’ says only country where mass shootings happen

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Ralph H. Ick, head of the Texas branch of the NRA made the shocking statement yesterday after seven children were slain and three were left in a critical condition after a school shooting that...

Trump Train derailed by Reddit

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Would-be U.S.President and serial bigot, Donald Trump awoke this morning to find his dreams of becoming the most powerful man on the planet in tatters. His application to become a moderator on the popular social...

Concern mounts that US teachers are stockpiling weapons of maths instruction

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Deliverable weapons of maths instruction in the hands of a school or tuition network, or the two working together constitutes as grave a threat as can be imagined. Debate continues to rage in the US...
Gun held in front of American flag

Fatal logic feedback loop kills five more Americans

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America has once again been proved right as yet another mass shooting takes place in shopping mall and nobody armed inside could shoot the shooter. The tragic news that at least 5 people have been...

Hartman on Trump – POTUS’s US Marine Corp induction transcript revealed

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Following the sad and untimely death of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman of the US Marine Corps, The Rochdale Herald has obtained an exclusive transcript of a meeting between a young Donald Trump and the drill...
White Lives Matter

Bravery of white lives matter protesters saluted after US march

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I was born white and as such I face discrimination on a daily basis. Only the other day I was told I couldn't have a job in Starbucks because I have a swastika tattoo on my face. Apparently it may offend customers. It's because I'm white.

Donald Trump to lift Muslim ban ‘with immediate effect’ after learning of Manchester protests

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The new President's controversial Muslim ban has caused outrage across the globe and chaos in airports all across the US. Last night thousands of protesters gathered in central Manchester, joining many others in major cities...
Donald Trump

White House desperately concealing news of Twitter character increase from Trump

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The twittersphere is in overdrive this morning with millions of users tweeting out their hope that the White House is able to conceal the news of the doubling of the character limit from President...

OJ Simpson appointed White House press secretary

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Tongues are wagging in Washington today over what seems too convenient for coincidence as OJ Simpson is rumoured about to be appointed as Sean Spicer’s replacement as press secretary. The resignation of Sean Spicer appears...

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