Donald Trump has spoken of how great it is that there’s now so much pussy to grab when he next visits the House of Representatives.

Tweeting, POTATUS said, “Is it any coincidence that under this administration record numbers of women have been elected to the House of Representatives? I think not.”

“There’s way more than under Obama and Clinton. Not many people know this but I’m a huge feminist. Probably the greatest ever to live. Women love money and that’s why women love Trump.”

One insider told us, “POTATUS is excited to see so many women elected to the House of Representatives. When he next visits it will be stacked with pussy crying out to be grabbed. Not only that, it’s not wrinkled old mares like crooked Hilary who has never denied being a lesbian. I mean no offence but, Bill, I can see why you cheated. Some of these women are in their twenties and wear yoga pants to the office. They’ll be able to debate POTATUS all night long.”

He went on, “It’s great to see so many Hispanic representatives now. Everyone knows they have the sort of energy to go all night long.”

With the Democrats gaining control of the House of Representatives there is speculation that they will force POTATUS to reveal his tax affairs. One representative of POTATUS said, “POTATUS has a huge tax bill. Way bigger than Obama’s. POTATUS tax bill is so huge that not even 20 female Olympic athletes would be able to tame him. You don’t just read POTATUS tax bill, you strap yourself in for the greatest ride of your life.”

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.