The White House Head of IT has expressed his heightened concern that the Presidency could be heading for a critical outage.
Head of IT Maurice Moss explained his concern today that White House bandwidth has become increasingly strained as a consequence of poor logic emitting from the CPU. This has destroyed a considerable number of bridges built around the previous unit.
This has heightened reliance on the Local Area Network, and despite the insertion of a number of blue tick repeaters, the White House network is experiencing materially reduced broadcast coherency. Mr Moss explained:
“Despite our best efforts to keep the server running whilst we recode, it keeps generating failures of basic protocol. This left us with only one option really.”
Leveraging the White House network’s close affinity with Twitter, technicians began one of the most complex operations in White House IT history. A full reboot of the Presidency, which in DC circles has been colloquially termed “turning him off and on again.”
For an unprecedented 11 minutes, the full network was down. IT strategists theorised this could have left the country exposed to nuclear attack, whilst the Star Wars program was offline. Mr Moss was confident, however, that it was the right course of action:
“Technically our defences were offline, but, equally, the ability of flawed logic from the CPU triggering an offensive nuclear action was also nullified, arguably putting us in a safer position.”
Unfortunately however, the drastic action does not appear to have resolved the difficulties, with problems now ranging from operating system to rarely hardanymoreware.
More dramatic action could be required. Moss hypothesised that if the server doesn’t realise that it is there to serve, it may have to be removed altogether.
