Theresa May has been responding to calls to cancel the Trump state visit during a press conference today.
Responding to criticism that the invitation for the state visit was extended too early the Prime Minister said, “I was the first foreign dignitary to visit POTUS. When you meet a new President for the first time it’s very nerve wracking. A guard offered me Prosecco whilst I waited.
“The next thing I knew, he’d got me in the rose bushes. He held my hand. I’d run out of things to say and the lights were reflecting from his hair. I just blurted out that I could arrange it so he could meet the Queen. The next thing I knew the Queen was on the phone telling me that he’d better not visit during Ascot.”
Mrs May went on to confirm that poor judgement had carried on through negotiations on a trade deal. She said, “I’m not the first woman to visit the White House and end up stuffing a chlorinated chicken. Many women stuff chlorinated chickens so I thought it wouldn’t be a problem.”
Mrs May has said that, whilst the invitation to Mr Trump won’t be rescinded, she has another issue. “I’ve not told Her Majesty that Donald is under the impression he’ll get to joust topless with the Duke of Edinburgh on Horse Guards Parade.”
It’s alleged that Prince Harry’s wedding may be used to try to get a decent trade deal. Mrs May said, “POTUS has expressed a desire to be best man. I’ve got to break it to Harry that it’s in the interests of the country that he allows this. They should get on though as they do have a lot in common. Donald has a fine range of Nazi uniforms too.”
It’s alleged that the wedding could be a boon for British trade deals. Kim Jong Un is to be a page boy in an effort to smooth relations with North Korea.
However, there is still no word on whether Vladimir Putin will be performing the ceremony itself. Many expect him to turn it down as he worries terribly about nipple chafage in unusual climates.
