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Brownlee Brothers win World Three Legged Race Championship

British superstars Jonny and Alister Brownlee were today crowned world 3 legged triathlon race champions in a nail biting finish in Mexico. Although crossing the line behind the South Africans they were credited the win...

Tom Daley admits pissing in pool

Great British diving legend Tom Daley, who recently claimed Bronze in the synchronized diving with his partner (Dan something or other), has sensationally confessed to urinating in the diving pool in Rio. The much talked...

Ex-professional footballer could sign for Rochdale Nomads

Excitement is building around the start of next season's Sunday league fixtures as rumours of top ex-professional footballer Chris Sutton once of Blackburn Rovers and Celtic getting his boots back on to run out...

Britain’s first Dog Fighting arena to get go ahead in Rochdale

The often misunderstood sport of dog fighting will soon move from the underground scene to a purpose-built two-hundred seat arena in Rochdale. With a perspex surround, much like an ice hockey rink, a licensed...

Eric Bristow MBE says beaten women aren’t ‘proper men’

The pie faced gravy rhyming bastard, who obtained Royal recognition for being good at throwing things made the comment after a series of ill judged drunken Tweets last night. Within them he also stated that victims...

Daily Mail readers die from apoplexy after Muslim Immigrant wins Gold

Lord Rothermere is expected to file for bankruptcy on Monday after the last of his Daily Mail readers died of apoplexy following the 10,000m Olympic final last night. Ambulances services, already stretched to breaking point,...

Sturgeon Calls for Scots Independence to save British Lions Tour

Nicola Sturgeon has called for IndyRef2 to be brought forward to save the British Lions Tour to New Zealand. Speaking in the aftermath of Scotland's 61:21 tubbing at the hands of England Ms Sturgeon said; "It...

Theresa May to Naked Mud Wrestle Nicola Sturgeon for the Right to Trigger Brexit

British Prime Minister Theresa May is to mud wrestle naked with Scottish nationalist leader Nicola Sturgeon for the right to trigger article 50 to take the United Kingdom out the European Union. Sources close to the prime...

Rooney: taking are cuntry bak

As the second half of the Manchester derby got underway, reports were coming in that Wayne Rooney had joined Britain First. During the halftime team talk, United manager Jose Mourinho told simpleton, Rooney, "I want...
Local Rochdale bowls club rocked by doping allegations

Local Rochdale bowls club rocked by doping allegations

The Annual General Meeting of the Bamford Bowls Club was rocked by a scandal when multiple mens champion David Thrimbleton was accused of cheating by a rival. Thrimbleton, 77, has won the club’s top award for 17...

Sneaky German declares Last Goal’s the Winner and takes ball home

Sneaky German and part-time Finn Nico Rosberg has pulled off the all-time-shittiest Schoolboy trick by declaring the last goal the winner as the ball was already in the net!

Daily Mail readers push uphill for Gardner

Daily Mail readers have insisted that Dressage individual gold medalist Charlotte Dujardin is renamed Charlie Gardner as her name has been deemed "too French" for a post Brexit team GB. Echoing the move which has...

Sports Personality of the Year changed to ‘Sportsperson’ After Trade Descriptions Probe

The BBC has announced that their annual jockfest 'Sports Personality of the Year' is to be renamed 'Sportsperson of the Year' following an investigation under the Trades Descriptions Act.  BBC spokesman Damian D'Amienne said; "We have...

Judd Trump To Change Name By Deed Poll

Snooker player Judd Trump has announced that he is to change his name by deed poll following a series of incidents whereby people saw his surname and associated him with SCROTUS Donald Trump. “It’s been...

Shock News: Tyson Fury Tests Positive For Horlicks

The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal Tyson Fury was declared medically unfit to fight because he tested positive for Horlicks. The IBF have banned Horlicks, a known performance reducing beverage for a number of years now. It is...

Balding just 2 Gold medals away from on air orgasm

BBC sports anchor and part time Eddie Izzard lookalike Claire Balding is quite literally on the edge of making TV history by being the first sports presenter to reach sexual climax live on air. Week...

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