Tommy Robinson fisted by pensioner in prison shower
IReports from Belmarsh are that Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, the tiny provocateur with the Timmy Mallet inspired pseudonym has been fisted. One fist from a pensioner was all it took to send him to dreamland.
We understand...
Rupert Murdoch’s face breaks ageing app
Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in 40 years.
Developers say the app was "not designed to undertake...
Anne Widdecombe symbolically frees her slave
Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has acted decisively.
In order not to be accused of hypocrisy when...
Chuka Umunna banned from Coventry Laser Quest for crashing children’s parties
MP for Streatham, Chuka Umunna, has been forcibly removed from a branch of Laser Quest in Coventry for reportedly trying to join numerous children's parties.
Mr Umunna was spotted helping himself to caterpillar cake and...
Burnley Lidl selling Father’s Day Cards in packs of five
With Father's Day fast approaching, supermarkets and stationary stores across the country are displaying cards and gifts for children to give to their father this Sunday. Burnley Lidl has raised a few eyebrows with its five card bundle offer.
US celebrates after number of days so far this year overtakes number of mass...
Americans across America are celebrating the fact that for the first time since the invention of calendars there have been more days in the year than mass shootings in America.
"It's super! I genuinely can't...
‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...
Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal to, zero.
Professor Lance Boyle of the University of Rochdale said...
Tommy Robinson thrown out of restaurant after complaining about ‘Allah Cart’ menu
Tommy Robinson has been thrown out of a restaurant in Oldham after a campaign event today after starting a row with the manager over their 'Allah Cart' menu.
MEP candidate and part time mortgage fraudster,...
Five Guys make creamy mess all over Nigel Farage
A fresian of excitement has gripped Newcastle over the last few days, with the news that Nigel Farage would be visiting. The Brexit Party leader has been credited for realising politics cud be mooved...
Alabama legislature confirms blacks still welcome to get abortions or be shot by police
Emergency session of Alabama state legislature passes important exemption
In an emergency session of the Alabama state legislature, State Senator Garlan Gudger proposed an amendment motion to the State's abortion restrictions.
"Clearly, we only meant the...
Woman appalled by Alabama abortion laws ‘sort of aware’ of Northern Ireland
LLocal woman Mia Wombley has been telling everyone she knows about the horrendous new legislation in Alabama. Local senators, duelling their banjo strings, have asserted the importance of men to control women's bodies before,...
Harry and Meghan to take holiday from going on holiday
The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from constantly going on completely free five star holidays all the...
Prince Harry and Meghan to get holiday from going on holiday
The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from constantly going on completely free five star holidays all the...
Israel launches airstrike on anti-semitic moon after spacecraft crash
The first privately funded mission to the moon has had an apparent failure resulting in a crash.
The Israeli spacecraft called Beresheet had been sent on a mission to 'reclaim' ancient and rightful territory on...
Fillies to continue racing as outbreak confirmed as equine equivalent of ‘man flu’.
Initial reports that all racing in the U.K. was to be suspended have proved to be unfounded after vets have confirmed that the outbreak is merely 'stallion flu', the equivalent of 'man flu'.
"They aren't...
Twats on train don’t know they’re twats
A large group of noisy twats on a train from London to Yorkshire are apparently unaware that they are all colossal twats.
The group, who appear to be actors in their mid twenties, have been...
