Initial reports that all racing in the U.K. was to be suspended have proved to be unfounded after vets have confirmed that the outbreak is merely ‘stallion flu’, the equivalent of ‘man flu’.

“They aren’t particularly ill at all” said chief vet Alf Wight. “It’s a very mild form of flu and the fillies are carrying on as normal. However, just like humans, the male horses are being a big bunch of jessies about being a bit ill.”

“Bloody pathetic.” said a filly, Stilton Cheesebiscuit earlier today “They’re all loafing round the paddock moaning and saying how dreadful they feel. Great lummoxes ought to try real pain like foalbirth.”