Emergency session of Alabama state legislature passes important exemption
In an emergency session of the Alabama state legislature, State Senator Garlan Gudger proposed an amendment motion to the State’s abortion restrictions.
“Clearly, we only meant the abortion restrictions to apply to lives we consider sacred,” he said.
Senator Randy Price agreed, saying “much confusion has been caused for why we consider ourselves pro-life without ever engaging with the topic of how many black people get shot by police. And to those people I say well, I hunt animals and you will never take my guns.”
Senator Shay Shelnutt was more sanguine “the legislation is confusing because people in the North have long confused the simple minds of our local black folk with tales of 40 acres and a mule, and it is just not what works for our State.”
Accordingly, the legislation proposed an important amendment. This stated that abortion restrictions would categorically not apply to black women, unless of course they had been raped by a white man and he wanted to keep the baby in the hope it grows up light skinned and perhaps works in the house one day.
“This is a victory for democracy,” announced Senator Clyde Chambliss, “although not for Democrats, clearly.” The applause was lead on the Senate floor by Senator Donnie Chesteen who was personally delighted that he would not have to damage any more coat hangers.
NOTE TO ALABAMA LAWYERS: we have tried to make up the stupidest sounding names possible for the cretinous villains we assume reside in the Alabama Senate. If the stupidest names we could think of are coincidentally the same as your Senators we apologise and make clear this is a a satirical article and we are quite sure they would not hold any of the views set out above. Besides, your jurisdiction over us is likely as spurious as your jurisdiction over women’s bodies.