Sport

In perhaps his most bizarre tweet ever Donald Trump has challenged Nancy Pelosi to a fight in the "Pentagon". On the eve of his expected impeachment Trump tweeted, "I wanna challenge Nancy Pelosi to a...

A Burnley fan who threw a pound coin at Joe Hart is on the run from Police today after authorities claim he is now the new legal owner of Burnley Football Club. The coin missed...

Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling. Express reader, Ian Blind told us, "The people have spoken. It's our will...

Records have been tumbling all week at the very first running of The Vegan Olympics taking place in Turkey. The first big record smashed was by American athlete, Slim Jim Tomkins who successfully lifted both...

Nearly eight brain cells were killed in a mass brawl following the Ultimate Fight Club bout between Conman McGregor and Khabab Gnawmigonadov in Las Vegas at the weekend. The Ultimate Fight Club, which unfortunately...

An actual grown up man has won a really long race around France on a children's toy.  The Team Sky rider from Cardiff, Geraint Thomas, became the first Welshman to win something after crossing the...

Donald Trump has been asked to give up golf as he is tarnishing its reputation and attracting the wrong type of people into the game. Fat, white, affluent, vaguely racist, middle-aged golfers are appalled...

Supermarkets across the country are reportedly completely dickhead free for the first time since 1990 according to sources. The complete absence of knuckle dragging fuckwits in supermarkets is an almost unheard of phenomenon. "It's really weird....

Several women have taken to the top of ambulances in their latest quest for reassurance about their weight Becky Donaldson, 23, is fairly confident she isn't fat.  But occasionally, she likes reassurance.  Normally she gets...

There is widespread shock around England today after the English voting public voted 52% to 48% for the England football team to leave the World Cup despite making it into the semi-finals. Following the vote...

Ruddy faced racists up and down the country are said to have mixed feelings about England getting through to the World Cup Semi Finals for the first time in 28 years after a bloke...

Avid football fans across Scotland were left disappointed earlier today when it was confirmed that membership of IKEA's Family Card scheme does not count as Swedish heritage.  The news comes the day before England face off against Sweden in the...

The Vatican has tonight declared an official miracle following England's penalty shootout victory over some goat farmers from Colombia. The victory is the first since Harry "18 bites" Short scored the winning penalty against...

The English football team have confirmed that they're really looking forward to appearing on Celebrity Masterchef next week. Gareth Southgate said, "Our preparations are going well. I've about mastered making a Madeleine and Harry Kane...

God has revealed that he absolutely cannot stand Cristiano Ronaldo so he chose to favour Uruguay in yesterday's last 16 game. God or, The Word as he prefers to be known took time from his...

The Scottish football team is celebrating getting through to the last sixteen; of a golf tournament. Speaking from the Roving Sands Golf Course in Marbella, Alex McCleish said, "Aye, I'm happy for the boys. We...